I am going to greatly contradict myself in this blog, I want to greatly contradict myself because it's something that needs to be accepted...maybe not wholly as a concept, but even as an idea would be suffice right now. It's the concept of loving ourselves before we can love anyone else. Do we need to love ourselves completely before anyone else can love us? Or is that just an motivational quote that we use to protect ourselves from...the unknown?
I have always said to people that you need to learn to love yourself first because how can you expect anyone else to love you because if we can't love ourselves how can we ever expect anyone else to love us to their full capacity? To some extent I agree with the ideology of loving ourselves before we love someone else, we need to be our own before we can be another. But on the other hand I am going to have disagree with myself - people are going to fall in love you no matter whether or not you love yourself - that is not something we can control with our own whims as much as they can; love doesn't create choices for us, it just happens. Who are we to deny such desires, such power to be happy just because we aren't entirely happy in our own states of mind or body?
"Loving ourselves" should maybe be interpreted in a different way, maybe we don't have to love every inch of ourselves and be completely comfortable within our own minds, but we need to have some sort of basis of strength before we fall in love. Before you accept the fact you've fallen in love and jump into this big ocean of emotions you will understand, or need to learn that, love doesn't ever really go the way you hope. Most importantly the factors surrounding love sometimes doesn't support your situation and therefore love isn't enough to last 'forever'. If you don't have that knowledge you can't start to build that strength you need for that letting go process if it were to ever happen. Or the emotional strength you need within the relationship because you're not going to agree on everything, or they may be in a situation that hurts you and you have to be able to be strong to hold yourself up. I wasn't very good with this, I thought loving yourself meant accepting that you don't look the way you wish you could look like, or accept your mental disability and other crazy stupid things like that. What I didn't realise by loving yourself was that maybe I should have interpreted it in the way that...I love myself so I know I don't deserve to be grieving but actually moving on and being happy.
What I mean by the fact I disagree with myself is that, not everyone or anyone I believe, will ever be able to love every inch of themselves. I for one don't love every inch of myself, the person I fell in love with didn't love every inch of himself but maybe we need to accept the idea that we don't need to constantly search for broken pieces of ourselves to feel whole again...if somebody else's fractured, broken side fits yours?
"I want somebody with a sharp intellect and a heart from hell. Somebody with eyes like star-fire and with a kiss like a bottomless well. But mostly I want someone who will love me when I do not know how to love myself".
Why can't we accept that if we can never love ourselves to that full capacity then someone else will? Someone will take all that love they can't conjure up for themselves and give it to you and you could return the favour and then everything is balanced up. Why should we have to focus all our love on ourselves when in the end we are going to give it to someone else anyway? I had someone who felt they couldn't be in love because they couldn't care for themselves let alone someone else. Let somebody else care for you, let them do that. Instead of having that bravery to open ourselves up to our own power of emotions just to put them inside ourselves, we should have that bravery to open ourselves up and transfer all that energy over for somebody else.
I read that this kind of love is bad "this kind of love" because if you don't love yourself you'll just end up consumed in the flames. I understand that...with this "kind of love" it can be dangerous because we have driven all our hope and energy into someone else and if that person decides they can't handle the weight, we didn't love ourselves and build that strength to hold ourselves up when they leave. But with this "kind of love" do we have a choice? People like "us" who...really can't be alone with our own minds and feelings, do we really have choice? This "kind of love" is just the passionate fiery love we need and will have. But I advise you, this is the concept of my idea that...by loving ourselves we are building that strength to move on and accept the alternatives to any love we fall into. And if it did happen to crash and burn, it's going to burn all crazy, beautiful colours because a "love like this" is just the kind of love we need to save us.
It's something that needs to be accepted...maybe not wholly as a concept, but even as an idea would be suffice right now. It's exciting when you find a part of yourself, in someone else. So yeah...don't look for happiness outside of your own being but, find someone else's happiness and you'll find your own inside you. I am tired of we riting about love, I am tired of the concept of trying to figure it out, I just want someone to realise that love is this crazy, difficult idea and it's always on the tip of my tongue I just don't have the words. I am going to figure it all out one day. Believe you can and you're halfway there. So...dream of "this kind of love" and consider this idea, this concept. Does someone's broken side fit yours?
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