Sometimes the way people see you, isn't actually who you are. They've most likely only got the reflection of you from something else, like an action, or someone you're associated with or even something as fickle as a stationary object you own. During assumptions of yourself in these situations, I feel it is important to remember that sometimes the way you are reflected to others, isn't the whole you; and to remember you aren't actually that way.
How did I come to think of this idea? Well, recently I was on holiday in Spain - which was lovely and hot by the way - but the least admirable part about this journey was the airport terminals. Now, for any of you whom by any chance haven't had the absolutely delight and fear of flying on a plane, going through security and baggage reclaim etc, isn't exactly the smoothest and most exciting element of a long journey. There are queues longer than the actual journey itself! I don't mind waiting in queues and being the patient and polite British citizen I was bought up to be, however my Mam on the other-hand, isn't so tolerant. (Sorry Mam.) So on this holiday she was storming through crowds and knocking people out with her bag, swearing under her breath. At one point, some foreign kid actually heard her moan and responded which was ridiculously embarrassing. One specific example that got me thinking about this topic is when some lady stepped out of the queue to grab a runaway trolley to put her case on, my Mam quickly cut in front of her in the queue, though the lady clearly exclaimed "No, no no!" This was stupidly rude, but I had to follow my Mam. This women shook her head at me and looked super angry - she most likely thought I was a rude, stuck-up and impatient kid, which I'd like to believe I'm not. I just had to follow my Mam. It was my Mam being 100% rude, but by association, was I too?
This is an interesting concept that I then swirled around in my brain ever since, because I know I am not a rude and impatient person - but the only judgement that woman will ever have of me is the reflection of my Mam's actions. Which I don't believe is fair at all, it's hard to believe in yourself and the image you have created when one persons whole image of you is something that's completely opposite. I started to think of others things that people could judge you on because of a reflection of something else. If you are in a relationship and you spend a lot of time together, the reflection of that could be you're too needy or too clingy. Or you're careless because you've forgotten your friends. This probably isn't the way you are, it's just the way you APPEAR to be. If you've done something, a bad action, like cheated on someone drunk (though no excuse) you'll only appear to be however your current ex partner describes or feels from the event. Though a huge mistake, you'll be wholly defined by the one stupid action. Despite all your positive aspects being a stronger and better image you've created for yourself. You can be judged by the people you hang around with, perhaps their actions reflect you, whether you do or don't conform to the same things. There are so many elements that people can quickly assume you are, despite it not being you at all. The reflection of who you are isn't just in mirrors. So I started to think that maybe we need to be more careful and more independent in order to really be able to create ourselves in the imagery we deserve to be seen in.
This reflection of ourselves in other elements, also applies the other way round too. At work the other day, a woman got her purse out to pay. And gosh it was the ugliest god damn purse I had ever seen in my life. Suddenly, I felt really bad for my hasty thinking about this woman's purse, just because I thought the purse was ugly - it didn't mean she was ugly. It didn't mean she had bad taste, because she thinks she has GOOD taste, clearly as she owns the purse. Just because I didn't like something about this woman, didn't mean she didn't like it or other people didn't for that matter. I couldn't judge this woman's whole taste of image because of one stationary object I happened to not like. I also know some people who have "cheated" on their ex partners as well, just because they have done this and know how badly people have been hurt, it doesn't mean that the other person who cheated doesn't feel bad too. It doesn't mean they don't know what they've done is horrible, more often than not, they are probably not bathing in the glory of their mistake and of their new reflection. I know people who have "ditched me" to be in relationships - it doesn't mean they are needy or clingy, it just probably means they are happy etc, etc, etc. The bottom line is, we can judge a persons a whole life or persona, because of one stupid thing they are reflected as. Because we don't like it when it happens to us. Rumours, lies - that's not who we actually are. So it doesn't mean that's who others are either. We need to give people chances and look at the bigger picture, instead of jumping to hasty assumptions and judgements. Make the world a better place - starting with you.
On terms of ourselves being more careful and independent in order to protect our reflections, I'm not suggesting that you ditch all your friends or dump your partners - or making sure your purses and wallets are alright looking. It's more being aware of how we could be reflected and doing small things in order to change those things. I didn't have to follow my Mam in the queue, I could have waited and let that woman back in her place. Sure, my Mam would have been pissed but I would have made someone else's day and I wouldn't have appeared to have been so impatient and rude. But it is important to remember that the reflection of who you are, isn't always who you actually are, or who you need to be. You have the ability to change it if you need. We all have the ability to change the world in reality, if we all remembered to think this way.
Thank you.
Go Nuts Guys.
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I've been described as a lot of different things throughout my life, but the one thing that has caught my attention the most is that I am labelled a lot as 'needy' and 'possessive.' Since these words were thrown at me I've always agreed, I've never took a step back and disagreed with these labels because I've just assumed that this is how I am and it's a part of my personality. The only action I have have ever pursued from this is working on not being so needy and not being so controlling and possessive. It had always been a major flaw of mine and I was determined to make it correct. After a while, once this traits still appeared it was time for me to realise what actually was the source of the problem. Why was I needy? Why was I possessive? Maybe it's time to debate the idea that if I had what I needed I wouldn't still be reaching out for more, right?
Often if someone doesn't treat you with the right amount of appreciation or show you that they care, it inevitably correlates to your self-worth. If someone isn't acting as though they care for you it makes you feel as though you deserve to be treated that way, that you're low and useless. I guess I've always just went along with this because that's what I believed I was worth. I never really pondered over what I deserved in this life, and as I didn't know what I deserved how was I to ever know if I was being treated correctly? Enough is enough, because after feeling so low for so long I am so exhausted of feeling like I am a burden on specific peoples lives. Even if I am only worth the measly labels they've pinned to me, why wouldn't they just leave me already? I think the fact that you've been made to feel so low and so worthless, you also start to become very naive and scared that you'll lose people that have obviously taken you on as a little side project because who else is going to love you when you're...you? Sometimes, it's not that people don't care or appreciate you. It's that they can't reciprocate their feelings very well. The communication isn't there so you're left feeling worthless and unloved, despite the fact you really are. This has been the situation for me, I know that I am cared for and I know that I am loved, it's just so hard when I have to be the person to remind myself of that. During your darkness days you do need that helping hand and you need someone to support you when you're getting back again. But without that communication you're just left with ideologies and "well they said they cared that one time, so I guess they still do." The hardest thing about this is to accept the fact that it's okay if somebody doesn't tell you that they love you or care about you 24/7. There will be reasons, people do have their own life's to live and sometimes you're only just one part of that. People become self-evolved and busy and forgetting to care or love, doesn't really mean they don't. It's hard to accept that you may not be a priority in someone's life, when you really thought you were. It doesn't make you worthless or stupid, it doesn't make you needy or possessive. It makes you stronger and thoughtful. It makes you empathetic and passionate. To be able to communicate is a hard process, sometimes you should just be proud and accepting of the person you've grown up to be. This just means that you need to find someone who will be able to communicate with you. Because you demanding what you need or want just means you're giving it to yourself. And then again that label 'needy' and 'possessive' comes dancing back around. Sometimes we are so drunk in the love that we feel for someone that we are blinded by the cold, hard truth. That love is all about giving and taking and maybe all you do is give, give, give and all they do is take, take, take. We can't just keep living in an unhappy state thinking we are worthless because someone doesn't have the time, or someone has prioritized you when they should. We are not worth the reflection of somebodies actions towards us. I can promise you all, you're worth it. You are enough. From this you have that all important decision to make. If someone is poison to you, anchoring you down - the healthiest and most courageous thing you can do is make that positive and all important decision that'll benefit you. It's so hard, I know that. But this just demonstrates the love you have for yourself. The love you deserve. If you don't love yourself, you'll be stuck in an endless cycle of constantly needing more, and it'll never come. You'll forever be needy. People can change, don't get me wrong. But have they and will they? It's like...sometimes you have to be strong for everyone else, and maybe they forget to ask you if you're also okay. I am exhausted of feeling like I need too much or I am too possessive. I am so damn exhausted of being unhappy because I feel like being unhappy is unreasonable. Because I am in love...and I know that they care, it's just that communication. I am exhausted or feeling worthless or a burden because I just need someone to give me just a little time, someone to care just the tiniest fucking bit...and someone to just ask for once, if I am okay. You're enough. Go nuts guys. |
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