Being as philosophical as he his, my boyfriend turned to me the other day and asked "if we're not 'best friends with benefits' then what are we?" In which I responded with a dumbstruck silence. That's when I started questioning whether there really is a difference between a good friendship with the sexual benefits and a relationship?
A good friendship would consist of going out and doing things together, perhaps to the movies or a picnic. You would get along perfectly well, of course make each other laugh and have endless things to talk about. Naturally, you would have similarities and differences, enough similarities to have conversations and be able to do things together and enough differences for the phrase "opposites attract" to take place. All of that is involved in a relationship as well. And sexual benefits goes without saying.
However, in a relationship you would argue "oh yes, but you love each other" but does that mean you don't love you friends? If you were to say it was a different kind of love...how could you define that different kind of love? Well...I am going to try:
Being in a relationship creates a love completely different to a friendships. In a friendship, your love consists of caring and trust and wanting to make sure they're happy and that is what a relationship consists of also. But it's a lot more personal. The love runs a lot more deeper and has more meaning to it. When you care for that person, they come before anyone else in your life - you would jump in front of a bullet for them without even having to consider.The trust is something that cannot be burnt down, you could put your life in their hands everyday and not even get slightly worried they would ruin that. I am not suggesting you can't do this with your friends...but with a relationship you have learnt to trust each other more because there are more things that can betray that trust. For example, cheating. You can't cheat on your friend.
Wanting to make sure your partner is happy is a big one, you spend day in and day out planning how you're going to capture the moon for them because that's all they really want and you'll do it...because you love them.
In a friends with benefits, the title is giving as there are potentially "no strings attached" meaning there is no commitment. You can be with anyone, sexually, anytime and anywhere and your friend cannot get upset because you guys aren't technically committed. That is another huge difference, you wouldn't ever want to hurt your partner by being with someone else which is probably why people form that commitment in the first place. You can't be friends with benefits with someone you love because that means you intend to be with other people. If you loved someone you wouldn't do that, so you might as well call it a relationship right? Furthermore, in a relationship, by labeling it as that, you intend for the relationship to be extended - for it to prevail into the future and perhaps turn into engagement, marriage, family. There's nothing to say it definitely will but you know that somehow you wish it would. In a friends with benefits there is no hope for the future, well not no hope, but the chances are slim that it would escalate into anything further. Plus - if it did escalate what would it upgrade to if friends with benefits is the same as a relationship? Eh?
Lastly, the benefits side of this. In a friends with benefits, the sexually side is purely for the sake of having sex and receiving pleasure. There is no emotion behind it - it's simply just revolving around the hormones released in your brain. Whereas in a relationship there is a purpose behind having sex, there is more to it than just pleasure. It's the urge to want to pleasure someone you love because you know it makes them happy. Furthermore, it's a bond between two people, the idea that you are physically as close as you can ever get, skin to skin, and that's the best feeling in the world. Wanting to be as close as you can to the person you love. Not having sex for the sake of it and simple leaving afterwards.
In conclusion, when my boyfriend asks me "if we are not best friends with benefits, what are we?" I shall respond with "we are in a relationship" because they are two completely different labels that have very different meanings. Sure, some elements are similar but friends with benefits purely prioritizes the sexual side whereas a relationship highlights the extension of the connection, the deeper feelings and emotions and the real love that two people share. Both relations are great, not one is either better than the other for an individual but they have a clear divide.
So, the next time YOUR boyfriend/girlfriend asks you that question, if they happen to be so philosophical, you now have your answer!