On the subject of letting people go from our lives, it’s important to also consider the idea that sometimes people come back into our lives. This occurs in all different ways, suddenly, slowly, without consideration and after a mass of planning. Maybe those people never really left and just existed in different amounts, like waves they were there towering on some days, whilst the others they lay still. The worst way someone can come back into your lives is because you both miss the way life was when you both coexisted together. Often when you look back after a year and really evaluate how life has changed, you start to ponder and eventually crave the past back into reality. Nothing is harder than ensuring that this doesn’t happen because no matter just how beautiful those black and white memories appear, there is a good reason why they’re not in colour.
Recently, I delved into my own past and it has really punched me in the face just how badly I miss someone that was there. This punch in the face was so sudden and I was completely unaware of just how to deal with it. I am sure this has happened to many people, when you start to miss people you didn’t think you ever could or ever would, thus the problem of how to deal with the situation was one we never considered. One of the most important things to remember when this situation does crop up is to remember and understand just why this person isn’t in your life anymore and evaluate whether the consequences of inviting them back in, is going to be worth going through the entire ‘letting this person go again’ pain. Thankfully, I did manage to keep myself together and quickly grab all those feelings and inner debates and shove them back into the folder of ‘you let this person go because…’ and avoided opening a new jar of issues. But just because I had that self-control doesn’t mean that I miss that person any less and dealing with it is getting any easier.
For some reason, I decided to be cruel towards the person that I miss. In my widely messed up head it just made sense to attempt to make this person despise me. My train of thoughts was that if the person I missed didn’t miss me and wasn’t making any attempts to get back into my life then it would be easier to move on and forget and to some extent it did work, but for the sake of what? I think we all go through stages of making crazy plans to somehow manipulate the way people see us and the way people act for the sake of our own well-being and theirs but I think it’s only best that you leave the situation just the way it is. Chances are if you’ve only just started to miss this person then it’s been a while since you’ve spoken or seen each other and you can go back to that way of life, it’ll just take some time. Do not try and make that person pin your face to a dart board and go to town because it’ll make both of you feel like shit. You’ve let go before and you can do it again, not promising you it’ll be easy but hey, that is what Ben and Jerrys are for.
Of course, before you get to the whole ‘let’s forget I miss this person’ section of your life, you need to understand why it’s not a good idea to creep through that door again. For me personally in this situation, I knew it wouldn’t be fair for the other person for me to just gallop back into their life as if I hadn’t previously been there a year before, having a tantrum and throwing my toys out of the pram. I can only say that if you too can understand and accept your part of responsibility for why this coexistence had to end – then you’ve done enough. For that acceptance will the drive you to learn from the experience and move on and hopefully avoid ever bringing that level of whatever you screwed up into new lives. And obviously, if it was you that had been hurt and not the other way around, it’ll probably be easier to remember that the bad times weren’t worth all the good times. I feel like it’s important that we don’t forget all the bad things that were said and done, just for the sake of one more day of being happy when we were. Now that I miss this person it’s easy for me to think I regret everything I said and did, but I know that it’ll be so much better for the both of us to continue living our lives separately. Again, this doesn’t make the missing someone part any easier.
So, to all you people who write long messages into empty chats and never press send, or listen to old albums to remind you of the good memories, or fall asleep imagining anything and everything that went wrong never did...or write a blog in the hopes they’ll read it and forgive you. You’re just a human being and you’re allowed to feel this way. But life is just beginning and these things were supposed to happen so we can learn and become better people. So, today you’ll miss them and tomorrow and next week but after that I promise life will get back on track and you can continue to make beautiful mistakes and learn from them. Missing someone will never be easy, but easy life is not.
Go nuts guys.
Recently, I delved into my own past and it has really punched me in the face just how badly I miss someone that was there. This punch in the face was so sudden and I was completely unaware of just how to deal with it. I am sure this has happened to many people, when you start to miss people you didn’t think you ever could or ever would, thus the problem of how to deal with the situation was one we never considered. One of the most important things to remember when this situation does crop up is to remember and understand just why this person isn’t in your life anymore and evaluate whether the consequences of inviting them back in, is going to be worth going through the entire ‘letting this person go again’ pain. Thankfully, I did manage to keep myself together and quickly grab all those feelings and inner debates and shove them back into the folder of ‘you let this person go because…’ and avoided opening a new jar of issues. But just because I had that self-control doesn’t mean that I miss that person any less and dealing with it is getting any easier.
For some reason, I decided to be cruel towards the person that I miss. In my widely messed up head it just made sense to attempt to make this person despise me. My train of thoughts was that if the person I missed didn’t miss me and wasn’t making any attempts to get back into my life then it would be easier to move on and forget and to some extent it did work, but for the sake of what? I think we all go through stages of making crazy plans to somehow manipulate the way people see us and the way people act for the sake of our own well-being and theirs but I think it’s only best that you leave the situation just the way it is. Chances are if you’ve only just started to miss this person then it’s been a while since you’ve spoken or seen each other and you can go back to that way of life, it’ll just take some time. Do not try and make that person pin your face to a dart board and go to town because it’ll make both of you feel like shit. You’ve let go before and you can do it again, not promising you it’ll be easy but hey, that is what Ben and Jerrys are for.
Of course, before you get to the whole ‘let’s forget I miss this person’ section of your life, you need to understand why it’s not a good idea to creep through that door again. For me personally in this situation, I knew it wouldn’t be fair for the other person for me to just gallop back into their life as if I hadn’t previously been there a year before, having a tantrum and throwing my toys out of the pram. I can only say that if you too can understand and accept your part of responsibility for why this coexistence had to end – then you’ve done enough. For that acceptance will the drive you to learn from the experience and move on and hopefully avoid ever bringing that level of whatever you screwed up into new lives. And obviously, if it was you that had been hurt and not the other way around, it’ll probably be easier to remember that the bad times weren’t worth all the good times. I feel like it’s important that we don’t forget all the bad things that were said and done, just for the sake of one more day of being happy when we were. Now that I miss this person it’s easy for me to think I regret everything I said and did, but I know that it’ll be so much better for the both of us to continue living our lives separately. Again, this doesn’t make the missing someone part any easier.
So, to all you people who write long messages into empty chats and never press send, or listen to old albums to remind you of the good memories, or fall asleep imagining anything and everything that went wrong never did...or write a blog in the hopes they’ll read it and forgive you. You’re just a human being and you’re allowed to feel this way. But life is just beginning and these things were supposed to happen so we can learn and become better people. So, today you’ll miss them and tomorrow and next week but after that I promise life will get back on track and you can continue to make beautiful mistakes and learn from them. Missing someone will never be easy, but easy life is not.
Go nuts guys.