I have grown up around some crazy supportive friends that no matter what life throws at them personally, are always there to pick up their loved ones whenever needed. In return, I have also grown up to be this way and it’s one of the most important and best traits to have in friend and somebody that you love. But, being supportive and carrying the weight of other people’s problems can often become an overseen issue that is extremely difficult to address. This has become a recent difficulty in my life that I know I have dealt with before, but no matter how many times it rolls back into the spotlight it’ll never be easy figuring out how to handle the situation.
Everybody has their own wars to battle through, some harder than others, but nevertheless, they are always there. Despite our own struggles, most people will be there to help their loved one’s trek through wars also. I have a few friends who lean on me for support every now and then and I only feel honoured that they trust me enough to share their feelings and aid them through whatever issues it is they need support figuring out. Many of these people, without a second thought, return the favour and for that I can only be eternally grateful. But sometimes, your friends can often place a little bit too much weight on your shoulders. For the first few times it’s okay, especially when people are going through a difficult time, but after a while it can become unbearable and ever so slightly selfish on their behalf. But often, these people will be completely unaware of just how much their issues are wearing you down – mostly due to being so occupied with their own problems.
Firstly, it is okay to feel overwhelmed by the weight of people’s problems, it only means that you are a human being. It’s extremely important that you think about your own happiness first, “cutting out toxic people isn’t an act of cruelty, it’s an act of self-care”. There are many ways you can deal with situations like this, such as explaining to them in a calm and peaceful way that you feel there is nothing you can do to help them any further with their problems, but reassure them you’re still their friend and hope they feel better on the other side of their struggles. Do not be surprised to be met with spite or anger because acts like this can seem like you’re being selfish and I understand this more than anything. To be told your problems are unbearable can make your problems seem a thousand times worse, especially when you’re essentially being told to continue dealing with them on your own. But, there is nothing more important than your own happiness and your own health. Do not allow yourself to think you are a bad person for not being able to fix someone.
Long story short, you cannot have a healthy relationship built up on negativity and some people, without realising, do have the tendency to let both of your problems become a foundation for a friendship and will then use that support to drive forward what the two of you have together. But you cannot live a positive life, surrounded by negative people. Now, this can be considered a heavily selfish thought when considering that your friends that are asking for help are probably dealing with some horrible issues. But after a mass amount of time and all the advice you can possibly conjure up, it’s not fair to put yourself through the same routines within a friendship that are dragging you down. “One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go off what you can’t change,” and sometimes you just can’t change people.
Of course, I understand the story from both sides of the situation. I have also been a friend that has put too much weight onto the shoulders of people I love. I would constantly remind them of how horrible I felt and constantly beg for advice just to ignore it because deep down I knew there was really nothing anyone could do for me, it was down to me to sort my life out. In the midst of all that, I didn’t really understand that I could be potentially upsetting people and pushing them away because I had built a friendship from my own problems and negativity. But once I came to the understanding of that possibility, I did what was right and stepped back to allow people to breathe. I did lose a few friends from this act but it would have been selfish for me to keep throwing my bricks at them, especially when in the end the only person that could truly change me was myself.
Obviously, it is natural to need the love and support of your friends, as I still do to this day – but I have learnt how to let my friends know I am not feeling great in tiny, digestible chunks so they can choose to support me in whatever way they wish and not feel overwhelmed and this works perfectly. I feel loved and equally ready to support and love them back in similar situations. Sometimes when I am really not feeling fine at all, I will take a huge step back to allow myself and them to breathe because the most important thing to come out of your battles is that you still have your friends fighting alongside you – not to be left in the mud, trampled on because you couldn’t deal with everything very well. Remember that the biggest thing that will help you change and get better is yourself and as soon as you learn that and can be okay on your own, your friendships will be healthier and happier than ever, as well as your own wellbeing.
So, if you are dealing with some friends or loved ones that are going through rough times and you cannot handle it – do not feel bad about taking a step back or cutting them out. It is not selfish, or heartless. There is only so much you can do for someone you love, you will just have to trust that they can climb the ladder on their own once you’ve thrown it to them. Your happiness is so, so important and you should never ever let that be second to someone else’s.
Hope this was an eye-opener, go nuts guys.
Everybody has their own wars to battle through, some harder than others, but nevertheless, they are always there. Despite our own struggles, most people will be there to help their loved one’s trek through wars also. I have a few friends who lean on me for support every now and then and I only feel honoured that they trust me enough to share their feelings and aid them through whatever issues it is they need support figuring out. Many of these people, without a second thought, return the favour and for that I can only be eternally grateful. But sometimes, your friends can often place a little bit too much weight on your shoulders. For the first few times it’s okay, especially when people are going through a difficult time, but after a while it can become unbearable and ever so slightly selfish on their behalf. But often, these people will be completely unaware of just how much their issues are wearing you down – mostly due to being so occupied with their own problems.
Firstly, it is okay to feel overwhelmed by the weight of people’s problems, it only means that you are a human being. It’s extremely important that you think about your own happiness first, “cutting out toxic people isn’t an act of cruelty, it’s an act of self-care”. There are many ways you can deal with situations like this, such as explaining to them in a calm and peaceful way that you feel there is nothing you can do to help them any further with their problems, but reassure them you’re still their friend and hope they feel better on the other side of their struggles. Do not be surprised to be met with spite or anger because acts like this can seem like you’re being selfish and I understand this more than anything. To be told your problems are unbearable can make your problems seem a thousand times worse, especially when you’re essentially being told to continue dealing with them on your own. But, there is nothing more important than your own happiness and your own health. Do not allow yourself to think you are a bad person for not being able to fix someone.
Long story short, you cannot have a healthy relationship built up on negativity and some people, without realising, do have the tendency to let both of your problems become a foundation for a friendship and will then use that support to drive forward what the two of you have together. But you cannot live a positive life, surrounded by negative people. Now, this can be considered a heavily selfish thought when considering that your friends that are asking for help are probably dealing with some horrible issues. But after a mass amount of time and all the advice you can possibly conjure up, it’s not fair to put yourself through the same routines within a friendship that are dragging you down. “One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go off what you can’t change,” and sometimes you just can’t change people.
Of course, I understand the story from both sides of the situation. I have also been a friend that has put too much weight onto the shoulders of people I love. I would constantly remind them of how horrible I felt and constantly beg for advice just to ignore it because deep down I knew there was really nothing anyone could do for me, it was down to me to sort my life out. In the midst of all that, I didn’t really understand that I could be potentially upsetting people and pushing them away because I had built a friendship from my own problems and negativity. But once I came to the understanding of that possibility, I did what was right and stepped back to allow people to breathe. I did lose a few friends from this act but it would have been selfish for me to keep throwing my bricks at them, especially when in the end the only person that could truly change me was myself.
Obviously, it is natural to need the love and support of your friends, as I still do to this day – but I have learnt how to let my friends know I am not feeling great in tiny, digestible chunks so they can choose to support me in whatever way they wish and not feel overwhelmed and this works perfectly. I feel loved and equally ready to support and love them back in similar situations. Sometimes when I am really not feeling fine at all, I will take a huge step back to allow myself and them to breathe because the most important thing to come out of your battles is that you still have your friends fighting alongside you – not to be left in the mud, trampled on because you couldn’t deal with everything very well. Remember that the biggest thing that will help you change and get better is yourself and as soon as you learn that and can be okay on your own, your friendships will be healthier and happier than ever, as well as your own wellbeing.
So, if you are dealing with some friends or loved ones that are going through rough times and you cannot handle it – do not feel bad about taking a step back or cutting them out. It is not selfish, or heartless. There is only so much you can do for someone you love, you will just have to trust that they can climb the ladder on their own once you’ve thrown it to them. Your happiness is so, so important and you should never ever let that be second to someone else’s.
Hope this was an eye-opener, go nuts guys.