I've been described as a lot of different things throughout my life, but the one thing that has caught my attention the most is that I am labelled a lot as 'needy' and 'possessive.' Since these words were thrown at me I've always agreed, I've never took a step back and disagreed with these labels because I've just assumed that this is how I am and it's a part of my personality. The only action I have have ever pursued from this is working on not being so needy and not being so controlling and possessive. It had always been a major flaw of mine and I was determined to make it correct. After a while, once this traits still appeared it was time for me to realise what actually was the source of the problem. Why was I needy? Why was I possessive? Maybe it's time to debate the idea that if I had what I needed I wouldn't still be reaching out for more, right?
Often if someone doesn't treat you with the right amount of appreciation or show you that they care, it inevitably correlates to your self-worth. If someone isn't acting as though they care for you it makes you feel as though you deserve to be treated that way, that you're low and useless. I guess I've always just went along with this because that's what I believed I was worth. I never really pondered over what I deserved in this life, and as I didn't know what I deserved how was I to ever know if I was being treated correctly? Enough is enough, because after feeling so low for so long I am so exhausted of feeling like I am a burden on specific peoples lives. Even if I am only worth the measly labels they've pinned to me, why wouldn't they just leave me already? I think the fact that you've been made to feel so low and so worthless, you also start to become very naive and scared that you'll lose people that have obviously taken you on as a little side project because who else is going to love you when you're...you?
Sometimes, it's not that people don't care or appreciate you. It's that they can't reciprocate their feelings very well. The communication isn't there so you're left feeling worthless and unloved, despite the fact you really are. This has been the situation for me, I know that I am cared for and I know that I am loved, it's just so hard when I have to be the person to remind myself of that. During your darkness days you do need that helping hand and you need someone to support you when you're getting back again. But without that communication you're just left with ideologies and "well they said they cared that one time, so I guess they still do."
The hardest thing about this is to accept the fact that it's okay if somebody doesn't tell you that they love you or care about you 24/7. There will be reasons, people do have their own life's to live and sometimes you're only just one part of that. People become self-evolved and busy and forgetting to care or love, doesn't really mean they don't. It's hard to accept that you may not be a priority in someone's life, when you really thought you were. It doesn't make you worthless or stupid, it doesn't make you needy or possessive. It makes you stronger and thoughtful. It makes you empathetic and passionate. To be able to communicate is a hard process, sometimes you should just be proud and accepting of the person you've grown up to be.
This just means that you need to find someone who will be able to communicate with you. Because you demanding what you need or want just means you're giving it to yourself. And then again that label 'needy' and 'possessive' comes dancing back around. Sometimes we are so drunk in the love that we feel for someone that we are blinded by the cold, hard truth. That love is all about giving and taking and maybe all you do is give, give, give and all they do is take, take, take. We can't just keep living in an unhappy state thinking we are worthless because someone doesn't have the time, or someone has prioritized you when they should. We are not worth the reflection of somebodies actions towards us. I can promise you all, you're worth it. You are enough.
From this you have that all important decision to make. If someone is poison to you, anchoring you down - the healthiest and most courageous thing you can do is make that positive and all important decision that'll benefit you. It's so hard, I know that. But this just demonstrates the love you have for yourself. The love you deserve. If you don't love yourself, you'll be stuck in an endless cycle of constantly needing more, and it'll never come. You'll forever be needy. People can change, don't get me wrong. But have they and will they?
It's like...sometimes you have to be strong for everyone else, and maybe they forget to ask you if you're also okay. I am exhausted of feeling like I need too much or I am too possessive. I am so damn exhausted of being unhappy because I feel like being unhappy is unreasonable. Because I am in love...and I know that they care, it's just that communication. I am exhausted or feeling worthless or a burden because I just need someone to give me just a little time, someone to care just the tiniest fucking bit...and someone to just ask for once, if I am okay.
You're enough.
Go nuts guys.
Often if someone doesn't treat you with the right amount of appreciation or show you that they care, it inevitably correlates to your self-worth. If someone isn't acting as though they care for you it makes you feel as though you deserve to be treated that way, that you're low and useless. I guess I've always just went along with this because that's what I believed I was worth. I never really pondered over what I deserved in this life, and as I didn't know what I deserved how was I to ever know if I was being treated correctly? Enough is enough, because after feeling so low for so long I am so exhausted of feeling like I am a burden on specific peoples lives. Even if I am only worth the measly labels they've pinned to me, why wouldn't they just leave me already? I think the fact that you've been made to feel so low and so worthless, you also start to become very naive and scared that you'll lose people that have obviously taken you on as a little side project because who else is going to love you when you're...you?
Sometimes, it's not that people don't care or appreciate you. It's that they can't reciprocate their feelings very well. The communication isn't there so you're left feeling worthless and unloved, despite the fact you really are. This has been the situation for me, I know that I am cared for and I know that I am loved, it's just so hard when I have to be the person to remind myself of that. During your darkness days you do need that helping hand and you need someone to support you when you're getting back again. But without that communication you're just left with ideologies and "well they said they cared that one time, so I guess they still do."
The hardest thing about this is to accept the fact that it's okay if somebody doesn't tell you that they love you or care about you 24/7. There will be reasons, people do have their own life's to live and sometimes you're only just one part of that. People become self-evolved and busy and forgetting to care or love, doesn't really mean they don't. It's hard to accept that you may not be a priority in someone's life, when you really thought you were. It doesn't make you worthless or stupid, it doesn't make you needy or possessive. It makes you stronger and thoughtful. It makes you empathetic and passionate. To be able to communicate is a hard process, sometimes you should just be proud and accepting of the person you've grown up to be.
This just means that you need to find someone who will be able to communicate with you. Because you demanding what you need or want just means you're giving it to yourself. And then again that label 'needy' and 'possessive' comes dancing back around. Sometimes we are so drunk in the love that we feel for someone that we are blinded by the cold, hard truth. That love is all about giving and taking and maybe all you do is give, give, give and all they do is take, take, take. We can't just keep living in an unhappy state thinking we are worthless because someone doesn't have the time, or someone has prioritized you when they should. We are not worth the reflection of somebodies actions towards us. I can promise you all, you're worth it. You are enough.
From this you have that all important decision to make. If someone is poison to you, anchoring you down - the healthiest and most courageous thing you can do is make that positive and all important decision that'll benefit you. It's so hard, I know that. But this just demonstrates the love you have for yourself. The love you deserve. If you don't love yourself, you'll be stuck in an endless cycle of constantly needing more, and it'll never come. You'll forever be needy. People can change, don't get me wrong. But have they and will they?
It's like...sometimes you have to be strong for everyone else, and maybe they forget to ask you if you're also okay. I am exhausted of feeling like I need too much or I am too possessive. I am so damn exhausted of being unhappy because I feel like being unhappy is unreasonable. Because I am in love...and I know that they care, it's just that communication. I am exhausted or feeling worthless or a burden because I just need someone to give me just a little time, someone to care just the tiniest fucking bit...and someone to just ask for once, if I am okay.
You're enough.
Go nuts guys.