I always talk about love and how it's best to let unsaid words kiss your lips and live life to the fullest because these are the moments that define you in the end. But what I haven't ever spoke about is...what if you're the person that someone pours their heart out to? You're the person that their moment revolves around? Your reply is what makes or breaks someone? And you know you can't give them the answer they need? I just crumble...
If there is anything I hate the most in this world, it's hurting someone. I would never intentionally put someone in emotionally pain because it's just the most horrific feeling in the world. I've always believed my purpose in life is to spend the entirety of my being making other people happy. Suddenly, I was thrown into this situation where someone had waited for a ridiculously long time to tell me these beautiful, unspoken words and I knew I couldn't give them the answer they desired. What do you do when someone loves you and you don't love them back? I couldn't help but feel almost to blame for this, for I am the one that preaches about grabbing the stars, not waiting for them to fall out of the sky yet here I was destroying someone's courage, their light, their moment. I would give anything in the world to go back to the very beginning and make sure that there was no way that could have ever happened...love is a ridiculously, weird and magical thing but man, it burns and I am not sure I am okay with that.
What did I do? I guess I told them the truth. In this world, we cannot control or choose who we love because if we could my life would be a thousand times easier. But that's not the way it works. We're going to go through so many heartbreaks and we are going to be the cause of so many heartbreaks, people get burnt and then they survive. It's not even growing up, it's just life. Hurting someone else is the worst thing, but you have to remember that they are not the star that is going to shine for you, they have someone else out there that is going to be made just for them and they are going to shine so fucking bright because of that persons love and you are going to feel so happy that in the end you did the right thing and enabled them to be the happiest being alive that you couldn't have possibly made them in that situation, place and time. There is a positive, happy ending for everyone...it's just going to sting for a while whilst they try and find it. And the person who I told this truth to...was okay in the end. But oh my gosh I wish I loved them.
This also made me realise that I am chasing a love, that isn't healthy for me. I have this perfectly, amazing person declaring their feelings for me and I am brushing it away because I am love with someone else and that someone else just doesn't care. Why am I chasing someone for miles and miles when they aren't ever going to turn around and want to be with me. It's horrible. Man...I think I finally realised that I don't deserve this. I guess this is slightly vain but if someone can treat me like the brightest star in the sky when I am not their star, then surely the person whom I chasing should be treating a thousand times better if I were to believe that they are the one. And they aren't. Because they don't make me shine anymore. I just want to reciprocated.
We all love someone way too fucking much and you know this is true when you can't hate them for breaking your heart. I guess this keeps me going in that...if someone was to ever love me and I couldn't return the favour, they would forgive me. One day this pain will all make sense to you...because you're going to find someone who is going to shine so bright, they are going to beautiful and everything you ever loved about me is going to be in them but a thousand times better, and the best thing is they will be shining so bright because you love them.
We'll all breathe again.
Go nuts guys.
If there is anything I hate the most in this world, it's hurting someone. I would never intentionally put someone in emotionally pain because it's just the most horrific feeling in the world. I've always believed my purpose in life is to spend the entirety of my being making other people happy. Suddenly, I was thrown into this situation where someone had waited for a ridiculously long time to tell me these beautiful, unspoken words and I knew I couldn't give them the answer they desired. What do you do when someone loves you and you don't love them back? I couldn't help but feel almost to blame for this, for I am the one that preaches about grabbing the stars, not waiting for them to fall out of the sky yet here I was destroying someone's courage, their light, their moment. I would give anything in the world to go back to the very beginning and make sure that there was no way that could have ever happened...love is a ridiculously, weird and magical thing but man, it burns and I am not sure I am okay with that.
What did I do? I guess I told them the truth. In this world, we cannot control or choose who we love because if we could my life would be a thousand times easier. But that's not the way it works. We're going to go through so many heartbreaks and we are going to be the cause of so many heartbreaks, people get burnt and then they survive. It's not even growing up, it's just life. Hurting someone else is the worst thing, but you have to remember that they are not the star that is going to shine for you, they have someone else out there that is going to be made just for them and they are going to shine so fucking bright because of that persons love and you are going to feel so happy that in the end you did the right thing and enabled them to be the happiest being alive that you couldn't have possibly made them in that situation, place and time. There is a positive, happy ending for everyone...it's just going to sting for a while whilst they try and find it. And the person who I told this truth to...was okay in the end. But oh my gosh I wish I loved them.
This also made me realise that I am chasing a love, that isn't healthy for me. I have this perfectly, amazing person declaring their feelings for me and I am brushing it away because I am love with someone else and that someone else just doesn't care. Why am I chasing someone for miles and miles when they aren't ever going to turn around and want to be with me. It's horrible. Man...I think I finally realised that I don't deserve this. I guess this is slightly vain but if someone can treat me like the brightest star in the sky when I am not their star, then surely the person whom I chasing should be treating a thousand times better if I were to believe that they are the one. And they aren't. Because they don't make me shine anymore. I just want to reciprocated.
We all love someone way too fucking much and you know this is true when you can't hate them for breaking your heart. I guess this keeps me going in that...if someone was to ever love me and I couldn't return the favour, they would forgive me. One day this pain will all make sense to you...because you're going to find someone who is going to shine so bright, they are going to beautiful and everything you ever loved about me is going to be in them but a thousand times better, and the best thing is they will be shining so bright because you love them.
We'll all breathe again.
Go nuts guys.