Isn't it funny how you don't want anybody to care about you in the patronizing manners people sometimes do; and then the moment somebody stops caring, you suddenly feel angry and want them to care? It's a really confusing and hypocritical phrase of emotions we probably all sometimes go through. It all links back to the idea that you don't really know what you have until it's gone. I kind of wish that we could all realise what we have when we have it because losing something that you didn't know meant a lot to you has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
Recently, I had way too many people caring about something that I didn't even want people to know about. It was a secret I intended to carry with me throughout life, it was something that helped create me into the person I hope to be someday and people cared too much. And I hated it. I really did not like it that people I didn't really trust were getting so involved in my private life and "issues" and telling me what was best for me. That is really annoying, when people think they know what is best for you, when the only person that really knows what is best for ourselves is us. Nobody knows you better than you. So when somebody comes through demanding you to do all these things, it gets a little bit cramped and you just need time and space to breathe. I didn't deal with this in a really productive or successful manner, I pushed everyone away and took time for myself as I had done before. The people who were caring noticed this and then backed away and suddenly I was all, "Hang on a second. Come back and care for me?! I'M BROKEN GOD-DAMMIT!" Which is weird, because all I have ever wanted was for them all to go away.
We can never stop people from caring. Whether they are doing it for their own selfish needs or the love of you, people will always care. And sometimes we need that, somebody to care for you. But sometimes we don't. If you're like me, I really prefer to be on my own and deal with things in my own way. Everything I do is to help me to survive and live and enjoy life and others don't necessarily understand that. So being on my own is the best way forward; this doesn't mean that I block everybody out and don't have friends - it just means I don't usually confide in others for advice. Which is fine - if you're handling everything on your own and it's fine then why not? The one thing I do have to say about this though, is try not to be rude towards the people who consider themselves to be "helping". I was extremely rude and horrible to someone who thought he was trying to help and he wasn't. I completely shut him out of my life, he is still shut out now and probably always will be because I overreacted and demanded he leave...for helping? It's nice, to do things on your own, but understand others have different methods of coping and through their love for you they therefore have different ways of helping. It might be complete and utter horseshit to you, but give them that gratitude nevertheless and let them now they really aren't contributing in a positive way to you at all.
You find that if you push people away they won't ever come back. It's the worst thing, knowing that no matter how far away you run, they will never come after you. I did this also, (I need to stop pushing people away man this is a habit) and this person believed that that was what was best for me because I had said so, I had believed that. Like that saying, I just didn't know what I had until it was gone and now it's gone forever. Sometimes what we think is best for us...isn't what is best for us and I don't ever really think that this is something anyone will ever believe because we are our own selves and therefore we make the choices in life that will benefit or destroy us, live or die, prevail or fall - choices are made in vain for US. So even though it may never be resolved this issue, maybe if we understand that we can't make the right decisions at the moment in time, then we will maybe let someone else care. And maybe that decision will be the right decision. I'd give anything for that person to come back.
It's been a really tough week for me, for those of you who know and those of you who don't. I've always believed secrets to be a good thing in life, words that will never escape from our lips because it's nice to have something that is just for you, that will contribute to becoming the person you desire to be one day. But sometimes it's hard to keep secrets and sometimes people are going to want to care about it. So you either let them, or you don't...but you do so in a way that will benefit you and them. Pushing people away really isn't the answer, despite it being okay. And to the person I pushed away, I am so sorry I did that. I know you were only trying to help. I doubt we can prevail from here, but only know I mean well.
Go nuts guys.
Recently, I had way too many people caring about something that I didn't even want people to know about. It was a secret I intended to carry with me throughout life, it was something that helped create me into the person I hope to be someday and people cared too much. And I hated it. I really did not like it that people I didn't really trust were getting so involved in my private life and "issues" and telling me what was best for me. That is really annoying, when people think they know what is best for you, when the only person that really knows what is best for ourselves is us. Nobody knows you better than you. So when somebody comes through demanding you to do all these things, it gets a little bit cramped and you just need time and space to breathe. I didn't deal with this in a really productive or successful manner, I pushed everyone away and took time for myself as I had done before. The people who were caring noticed this and then backed away and suddenly I was all, "Hang on a second. Come back and care for me?! I'M BROKEN GOD-DAMMIT!" Which is weird, because all I have ever wanted was for them all to go away.
We can never stop people from caring. Whether they are doing it for their own selfish needs or the love of you, people will always care. And sometimes we need that, somebody to care for you. But sometimes we don't. If you're like me, I really prefer to be on my own and deal with things in my own way. Everything I do is to help me to survive and live and enjoy life and others don't necessarily understand that. So being on my own is the best way forward; this doesn't mean that I block everybody out and don't have friends - it just means I don't usually confide in others for advice. Which is fine - if you're handling everything on your own and it's fine then why not? The one thing I do have to say about this though, is try not to be rude towards the people who consider themselves to be "helping". I was extremely rude and horrible to someone who thought he was trying to help and he wasn't. I completely shut him out of my life, he is still shut out now and probably always will be because I overreacted and demanded he leave...for helping? It's nice, to do things on your own, but understand others have different methods of coping and through their love for you they therefore have different ways of helping. It might be complete and utter horseshit to you, but give them that gratitude nevertheless and let them now they really aren't contributing in a positive way to you at all.
You find that if you push people away they won't ever come back. It's the worst thing, knowing that no matter how far away you run, they will never come after you. I did this also, (I need to stop pushing people away man this is a habit) and this person believed that that was what was best for me because I had said so, I had believed that. Like that saying, I just didn't know what I had until it was gone and now it's gone forever. Sometimes what we think is best for us...isn't what is best for us and I don't ever really think that this is something anyone will ever believe because we are our own selves and therefore we make the choices in life that will benefit or destroy us, live or die, prevail or fall - choices are made in vain for US. So even though it may never be resolved this issue, maybe if we understand that we can't make the right decisions at the moment in time, then we will maybe let someone else care. And maybe that decision will be the right decision. I'd give anything for that person to come back.
It's been a really tough week for me, for those of you who know and those of you who don't. I've always believed secrets to be a good thing in life, words that will never escape from our lips because it's nice to have something that is just for you, that will contribute to becoming the person you desire to be one day. But sometimes it's hard to keep secrets and sometimes people are going to want to care about it. So you either let them, or you don't...but you do so in a way that will benefit you and them. Pushing people away really isn't the answer, despite it being okay. And to the person I pushed away, I am so sorry I did that. I know you were only trying to help. I doubt we can prevail from here, but only know I mean well.
Go nuts guys.