Virginity. Finally I am writing a blog about virginity. I suppose I've been putting it off for such a while because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say about it and what people would want to hear. Though it's such a simple thing, an immaterial possession, it still remains a considerably sensitive topic and controversial in certain areas of discussion. Sitting here writing this I am still unsure on what I want to achieve by the end of this blog, but let me start with reminding people that the idea of having a 'virginity' is literally a man-made inexistance. It's an immaterial part of our personality that society has developed and has become a perceivably important and crucial element to define someone's personality or/and reputation by. Though on scientific terms, there are some changes that can occur to a women's body after having sex for the first time, it isn't actually something we have. It's not actually real. So if anything I say, or anyone else says for that matter, upsets you - remember that it's all in our heads, an emotional personality trait if you wish. Not as real as having naturally blond hair, or a big nose or something else just as fickle. Here we go...
"Having sex doesn't make you a slut, and being a virgin doesn't make you a saint" I think the most controversial thing about the concept of virginity, is that if you are a virgin, you're perceived as 'frigid' and if you don't have one you're perceived as a 'whore'. I don't wish to discuss this in much detail because I do believe that society has developed on from this point, I was probably about 11 years old when this concept of virginity was still in play. As I grew up it wasn't so much whether you were a virgin or not, it was a lot more complex than just that. It was all about how old you were when you lost it, who you lost it with, where you lost it and then after you had 'lost it', how many people you then continued to have sex with. Growing up with all these different potiential questions circulating around about having sex for the first time, made me really nervous about having sex for the first time. I was absolutely convinced that I had to be in a relationship for about 6 years beforehand, he had to 100% be the guy I was going to marry because I only ever wanted to have sex with one person for the rest of my life. But when it comes to losing virginity, these shouldn't be the things you're worrying about. The only question really should be, are you ready?
I still believe that I only want to have sex with one person for the rest of my life. As I've grown up I've really grown to love the idea of monogamy. (I am not religious at all in anyway however.) This element of my personality has lead me to believe that the actually act of losing your virginity should be special - this is just my opinion however, please remember that having a virginity is just a man-made concept - as you're going to want to remember it for the rest of your life. So sometimes when I hear how some people lose their virginities it upsets me because damn, you had one shot to make that special and now that's it. You've "lost" your virginity and it can never be "found" again. If this has happened to you though and you do regret how you "lost" it I feel like you can make your second time special, wait and have that be the one you want to remember. Thinking about this though, I don't feel like "planning" to lose your virginity is a very good idea at all. I know people that have obsessively planned out sceneries in their heads, which is fine, I would be lying if I said I hadn't done it, but when it comes to actually happening and it turns out to be nothing like you imagined, you're going to be disappointed. And you want to be happy, not disappointed. This is contradicting slightly I know, but that goes back to making it slightly special, you don't want to regret it either. Spontaneous but...perfect.
Being a monogamist I therefore also believe that you should be in love. Or be under the understanding that you are in love. What is the point in being skin to skin with someone if you aren't heart to heart? "Your naked body should only belong to someone who falls in love with your naked soul" - Charlie Chaplin. I once had a friend who had every opportunity to have sex for the first time and he finally made the choice to not go for it because he wasn't sure if he was in love. Because you can feel ready and comfortable to strip naked in front of someone and then have sex, but if you aren't comfortable emotionally and they aren't someone you want to snuggle in a sleepover with afterwards, then what is the point? Again, just an opinion.
I do feel it's important to point this out - though I only wish to ever have sex with one person my whole entire life, I do understand the fact that this probably won't happen. My partner may not be a monogamist and they may not love me my entire life and there is nothing I can do about that. That doesn't mean I can never have sex again because I had committed myself to that one person . It just means I have to wait to fall in love again, but not do so repetitively and obsessively.
On the otherhand, there are the opinions about virginity that aren't mine. Some perceive it as not being that special or being anything important at all. Because I like I said, it is just an immaterial man-made element of our lives. When we have sex for the first time, we don't lose anything. It's just another thing we experience...for the first time. It's so stupid that people have even gone on to saying they can lose their "Nando's virginity". You don't buy a new pair of converse for the first time, slide them on and you've officially lost your "Converse-inity!". It is very fickle and some people believe that we have one life to have fun (and do so safely of course!) so it doesn't matter who or where or how many times as long as you're happy, comfortable, safe and no one is being emotionally hurt. You don't really lose anything having sex for the first time, you gain something - a new experience, a new memory, a new story. The concept of actually having a virginity is completely bullshit really.
So whether you have sex for the first time at 16, 19, 25, 30, 46 and whether it be with whoever, whenever and how ever many times you wish - remember that the concept of having a virginity is a fickle, immaterial personality trait that society strives to define us with. The main question is, the only question that actually ever really matters is, are you ready? And obviously, the other many questions that may stem from this that are important to you, are you in love? Is this how you want to remember this? Are they the right person? Is it legal? Blah blah blah....
And I might not be able to keep my 'monogamist image' up for my entire life. But having something to believe in and guide me in knowing my limits it's important to me and helps me to feel comfortable. I advise you to find something that does the same. And last but not least, remember to always be safe.
Go nuts guys. Or not...whenever you're ready! :)
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