Things and people in life change and it has been something that I never really grasped within life; I couldn't understand why or how someone could change themselves and I couldn't really see the greater good within it for them because I was too focused on the pain it inflicted me. People change and I'm not used to that; but life doesn't stop for anybody.
I have seen people change before my very eyes without them realizing, you don't really notice change straight away, it happens everyday and then after a few thousand days you think "wow - everything has changed" when in reality it has always been like that. Change can be a good and bad thing, you see - sometimes people realise yesterday that they couldn't change the world, so today they are going to change themselves; and it's all for the greater good. However, some people change themselves for other reasons, such as fitting in or having somebody fall in love with you. We've all been there at some point in our lives, where we think that changing something about us, no matter how small, we'll have somebody think we finally fit it. Change isn't there for us to use in that way, change is for reconstructing ourselves in order to achieve the maximum happiness we possible can within life.
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" At some point or another, you will find that the only way you can really get through a problem or achieve this maximum happiness is through changing yourself. We can try our best to change the world around us but the only way we can really see the world for it's true beauty is to change the way we're viewing it. "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you're heading" I mean, change is hard and it's not something we can really sit down and think 'hey I am going to change myself for tomorrow' it's a long process that is designed to help us; it's not easy, we fight to hold on and we fight to let go. But you see, if you are in that position where you are heading to somewhere you don't want to go, change isn't going to happen by chance, it's something we've just got to grab with both hands and steer ourselves. "All you can change is yourself, but sometimes that changes everything" It's scary, I had to go through it myself because I wasn't happy in life. And eventually people did point it out to me, that I had gradually changed the person within me in order to be happy - as long as you've done it with yourself in mind then that's the most important factor of this situation. And it's true, that it does change a lot of things if not everything, but nothing is ever normal or straight forward in life and once you've realised that, the reconstruction of your happiness will be a lot easier.
So how do we change if this was the case? I am not confident in explaining the process of change and how you know if you are doing it because I do believe it is something we do subconsciously and you will begin to look back over time and realise you had done exactly what you envisioned. I think it's just about setting small targets for yourself and taking it one step at a time rather than redesigning yourself over night. For example, a target could be to start spending a few more hours on school work, or to lessen the hours and make more time for your friends. It could be something as small as giving a hug to your Mum in the morning because it's going to make all the difference in the long run. I am not talking about changing your wardrobe or your hairstyle, I mean the change that you make within yourself to be able to view the world in a more positive way and to be able to view yourself in a more positive light also. And small changes like this every day will build up to this overall reconstruction of your outlook on life.
On the other hand, people do change for the wrong reasons and sometimes it's hard to accept this because within their minds it's something they did subconsciously and we can't understand how they don't see it. I know a lot of people who have been through this for stupid reasons like friendship groups or a crush and it's heartbreaking to see someone change their entire life to revolve around something that in a few years wouldn't matter anyway. I am sure we have all heard the quotation "Be hated for who you are rather than loved for who you're not" and I've always lived by that and took it into consideration when I was changing myself. We can't really approach these people who have redesigned themselves for the wrong reasons and explain it to them because they don't take it light-heartedly and in their minds they have changed for the greater good, maybe it's something we just have to accept as apart of changing ourselves. "Things change. Friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anyone" Stephen Chobsky. Maybe we could look at the alternative view that maybe they did truly change for the greater good, for at our age does anyone really know who they are or who they want to be or what direction they are heading?
I would not for one second say that it's easy to have people leave your life because they've changed or for you to leave someone's life because you've took the initiative to change, because it's god damn hard. "It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew" But remember you loved who they were and that person isn't there any more, just like who you were only exists in the past and the past doesn't define us now. Though, like I always say, nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Life, friendship, love and change. It's just something we have to adapt to and learn to understand. People leave at the chance of something bigger and better, it's not that we weren't good enough, it's just they were soaring for the moon and we were soaring for the sun.
I don't think I'll ever really truly understand to my full capacity why people change and why people leave but it's something I am learning to accept as I grow as a person. Change may happen a thousand times before we have really decided or know who we are and want to be. Life really doesn't stop for anyone. I need, I want, I have to change. I am going to work on myself, for myself, by myself. Hey - when you change or someone changes, you may lose something good, but you may gain something better.
Accept change.
2 Comments
Anon
10/10/2014 06:29:05 am
Wow, this has really touched me in a way which I never thought it would, you have explained change within a friendship very well and think that everyone can relate to this in a similar way.
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Gee
10/10/2014 08:05:44 am
I am assuming you know the situation well dear anon so I'll speak specifically in terms of the situation I was in. I am not used to change; something changes within a person before they leave and I was fearful and anxious and for weeks paranoid that this event was sure to take place. I couldn't see it happen in one blow. I let my friend know I was happy for who they decided to be and though I may not condone their decisions I will always be here for support if they need be. Change isn't always a bad thing and I have wholly appreciated this fact and I am moving as are they - it won't be easy but as long as we're happy then it's fine. Friendship can be manipulated and redesigned along with ourselves, it's something we have to accept as we grow.
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