"He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn't know what he wants. He probably thinks about you all the time. But that isn't what matters. What matters is what he is doing about it, and what he is doing about it is nothing. And if he is doing nothing, then you certaintly shouldn't be doing anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious they want you in their life" - Anonymous.
I have always so strongly believed that if you want something you should go grab it, rather than waiting around for miracles to happen. And that if you love someone you're supposed to hold on fucking tight, not the "let them go and see if they come back to you" crap. But this hasn't recently worked out for me and it's something that I should have realised months ago because it would have saved all these access of emotions. I can't change someone with my words, I can only encourage or advise them. This also means I cannot make someone want me just because I keep talking to them. Because no matter what I say or even attempt to do - they will never, ever return the favour unless they wanted to.
So one of my first pieces of advice that I am going to give in 2015 is something that everyone finds really difficult to do, but it's something that we need to do to be healthy within our minds as well as leaving open a clear path for the future. You're allowed to cut people out of your lives. If someone isn't making the effort to talk to you or see you then what is the point in you trying to do the same? For months I have relentlessly tried to keep up this friendship because this person at one point or another in my life meant the world to me and to see them go as one thing in my life was hard enough, let alone to see them go as another. I tried and tried to the extent where I genuinely felt like a stalker because I could tell that they didn't want me there but they never said otherwise. This is very misleading and it's hard for us to make that decision to finally cut the cord with someone who simply does not care.
If someone did want you in their life, they would make that effort. No matter how busy you are or tied down with your issues - you do find yourself making an attempt with someone you want to see. Even a simple "how is your day?" shows you care. But if you are always the one who is doing that then sometimes it's time to just grow up a little bit, take a deep breathe and just...let go. "It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you. But it's even tougher to pretend you don't mind" For a long time now I have pretended I am okay with it, they I understand they are busy and I know that they really care, but it has got to a point now where it's finally just hit me that - holy shit they don't give a fuck. I had someone else who has asked how my day was every single day for the past month and they are a whole world busier than the person who doesn't. It was time to sit myself down and just decide to make the cut.
It's always going to be hard. There is no denying that. But being happy all starts with you and if there is someone in your life that you're only really pretending makes you happy, or only makes you happy when it benefits them - you have to consider the alternatives. We cling desperately to the past because it's familiar, it's hard to let new people in sometimes. People would rather swim around in the warm dirty water because they cannot be bothered for the new pool to warm up. Terrible analogy but you get the jiffy. This will do you some good, to let go and breathe the new air. If you want to give yourself to someone and you want that love, make sure you're doing it with someone who truly deserves you. You are the best you, you can ever be and if there is someone out there who can't see that, despite their own worlds turning, then fuck them.
"Look how much love you give to the wrong one. Just imagine how much you can give to the right one" Maybe there will be one day where I look back and think "well maybe if I tried harder" or "maybe they were going through a rough time" or "maybe if I had stayed for one more day"..things would have been different. But I have decided to be happy because it's good for me. I have finally learnt that not everyone is going to love you and even if they do it may not be forever. I am always going to love this person, wholly and deeply. But I need to accept there are more important things in life and I am not ashamed to admit I would like someone there not 100% of the time, but enough for me to know they care. You deserve better guys, okay? The world will keep on turning, I promise.
Happy 2015 Guys; hope you enjoyed your New Year!