So on special request I have decided to write another blog this weekend about another serious matter than has been bought to my attention. I am extremely pleased that this person has asked me to write this because it's something that a majority of people are effected by and I am going to do my very best to offer my advice on the situation.
It's hard to give you a statistic on how many people self-harm as a lot of people don't tend to tell anybody what is going on. It's been estimated that around every 1 in 6 people self-harm. There is around 900-1000 students within each secondary school so realistically you are surrounded by at least 166 people that are self-harming and we don't know about it. Around 90% of teenagers are bought into A+E each year due to self-harm. I need to make it clear that self-harm isn't just cutting, it's not eating, or over eating, or punching walls etc. It's a problem that effects a lot of people, male and female, and I can guarantee that most people once in their life will experience self-harm or the idea of doing it. I don't feel that as a country or society we touch on it enough in order to eradicate the number of people effected.
A lot of people looking from the outside in to people that are suffering from self-harm do not really understand wholly why and I can appreciate completely why people would dismiss such an action because if you haven't been through it you do feel it's a stupid thing to do. But I am going to try and explain it to you the best I can. Do you know what it's like to be tortured by your own mind? I touched on it in a recent blog that...someone can be a crowded room and still feel alone. When you personally feel like you don't have anyone to talk to or anyone that is going to understand in the slightest you are stuck within your own mind and this is when the problems start occurring. You're never going to not self-criticise yourself. There will always be something you don't like and your mind is the reason for you being so upset because it makes reality seem 10 thousand times worse than it is because you're on your own and you don't have anyone else to tell you different. It really is like you have a monster inside that is yearning to get out, whether it be though cutting, or not eating or throwing yourself at a wall. I'll hurt myself on the outside to destroy the monster inside. It's as if...you just want the outside to match the inside, the way you are feeling.
It gets to the point where you'd think that when we took a blade to our skin, we'd be panic crying, hyperventilating, sobbing uncontrollably; but when we feel our skin split in two, is when we feel the most calm. It's horrific that some people do get to the point where draining themselves of blood actually makes them feel better. Some old lyrics I wrote were “I'm addicted, I'm addicted; to the evidence drawn on my skin, to prove that I'm right within; and when I see it somehow I feel okay” It does truly get to a point where people can't go a day without hurting themselves and it becomes a habit that people can't break out of and people don't understand why they can't just throw away the blade and stop. We all have different ways of numbing the pain – smoking, pills, drugs, alcohol, a blade – it's not something people can just stop doing whenever the feel like. It's like you're drowning and people are just stood at the 10 metres away shouting “learn how to swim!” it's not that easy. It's not that simple. You can't just snap your fingers and everything will be okay again. If you know somebody who is suffering, simply telling them to stop isn't going to do suffice. I recently had someone who cut themselves and I knew that telling them to stop wasn't going to make them stop. People need someone to be there and to listen and to accept the fact they are doing it. All anyone needs is someone to listen and someone to be there. Because people say they are, but when it's 3am in the morning and you're cleaning your own blood up all over – where were you?
It's like no one really cares until something dramatic happens. Someone could be suffering over a problem for months but nobody really cares until they start to notice the scars or how skinny someone is getting. It's sometimes hard to notice that somebody is down but it's amazing how much three little words can do even if they weren't needed in the end “are you okay?” If somebody is going through something tough or you know something tough has happened to them, be there from the very start because they may never reach the stage where they are locked inside their own heads. I know that not everybody is going to come out straight away and tell you what's wrong, but if you approach it slowly and nicely eventually they'll break through to you. If you are suffering and someone is trying to help you, let them. They might not have the right words but they have the company you need. I read a story somewhere about self-harm and a friend held out their arm and said to other “You cut here as many times as you feel you need to cut yourself” and the other person replied “I can hurt myself but I can never hurt you” and finally she understood. And I understood. And maybe you will understand as well. I don't feel I need to elaborate on that any further.
I feel that self-harm is often dismissed because some people do it for the wrong reasons, for attention. I have known some people in the past who have cut themselves or said they are staving themselves just for attention and that really gets to me. There are genuine people out there who are hiding scars for the dear life of them and someone has the nerve to walk around and flaunt them in attempts to be beautiful or to be liked? Having scars doesn't make you beautiful or special. Someone kissing your “scars” isn't worth it when you created them purely for that reason. This is why self-harmed is dismissed and why it still happens today is because people just don't understand. I know that people who do self-harm feels like they can't tell anyone or let their faded scars show because it seems like a cry for attention. I know some people who have told friends and they have been like "Oh everybody does it, it's not big dea, stop pretending you're great because of it" I actually feel insulted when I hear about somebody being proud to have cut themselves as it shows they're it fighter – it makes you stupid and pathetic. You're a fighter if you genuinely have a struggle in life that you can't get through and you make it through that time, self-harm or not. Plus, “cutting across” is for attention? Really – I don't think it matters what way someone is hurting themselves, the fact that they are doing it means they aren't okay in some way or another.
Self harm and self hate are two different things, yet in a way they are the same. One destroys you from the inside out, the other destroys you from the outside in. If you are suffering from self-harm in any way, shape or form. I know it's hard to escape from so I am not going to sit here and nag you on and on about how you need to stop because you that for yourself. You know it's not good and you know they are in places people can't see so no one will ask if you're okay. I am asking you now, if you're okay? If you're not then I understand – I understand why you need to. Self-harm is a way of feeling alive when you feel dead on the inside. It's a way of lighting up the world when everything is dark. And it's morbid and viscous and life gets a little eerie sometimes but what I will say is that it's not like this all the time and there are ways you can break out of habit. Try...drawing a line on your arm or thigh or stomach in black sharpie pen every time you feel the need to cut and by the end of the day or week or month you'll be able to see just how strong you were and the progress you are making. Maybe you'll relapse, maybe it won't be as easy as I make it out to be. But there is a light at the end of every tunnel, there is a destination to every journey and there is happy ending to every story. This is your story. Do not give up.
To everyone who has read this blog I hope you consider carefully about the effects of self-harm and how many people are widely effected by this. I encourage you to keep asking “are you okay?” to anyone and everyone who seems the slightest bit effected by big situations. I know it's hard to understand self-harm and self-hatred when you're looking in on the outside but you don't really need to understand. You just need to right words at the right time. Or the right moment to just hold someone. To everyone who has read this blog who is suffering who has in the past or who may do in the future, this is just another chapter in your story and I know it sucks and I am not condoning that it's a good way to feel alive because it's not. But just know that you'll be okay one day and you'll look back and think – hey I made it through. Watching your scars fade and not wanting to create new ones. If you ever feel the need to let go, remember why you held on for so long. Pull up the anchor holding you down, if it's too heavy, cut the chain. You're strong, you just don't know it yet.
Don't hesitate to get in touch, please.
It's hard to give you a statistic on how many people self-harm as a lot of people don't tend to tell anybody what is going on. It's been estimated that around every 1 in 6 people self-harm. There is around 900-1000 students within each secondary school so realistically you are surrounded by at least 166 people that are self-harming and we don't know about it. Around 90% of teenagers are bought into A+E each year due to self-harm. I need to make it clear that self-harm isn't just cutting, it's not eating, or over eating, or punching walls etc. It's a problem that effects a lot of people, male and female, and I can guarantee that most people once in their life will experience self-harm or the idea of doing it. I don't feel that as a country or society we touch on it enough in order to eradicate the number of people effected.
A lot of people looking from the outside in to people that are suffering from self-harm do not really understand wholly why and I can appreciate completely why people would dismiss such an action because if you haven't been through it you do feel it's a stupid thing to do. But I am going to try and explain it to you the best I can. Do you know what it's like to be tortured by your own mind? I touched on it in a recent blog that...someone can be a crowded room and still feel alone. When you personally feel like you don't have anyone to talk to or anyone that is going to understand in the slightest you are stuck within your own mind and this is when the problems start occurring. You're never going to not self-criticise yourself. There will always be something you don't like and your mind is the reason for you being so upset because it makes reality seem 10 thousand times worse than it is because you're on your own and you don't have anyone else to tell you different. It really is like you have a monster inside that is yearning to get out, whether it be though cutting, or not eating or throwing yourself at a wall. I'll hurt myself on the outside to destroy the monster inside. It's as if...you just want the outside to match the inside, the way you are feeling.
It gets to the point where you'd think that when we took a blade to our skin, we'd be panic crying, hyperventilating, sobbing uncontrollably; but when we feel our skin split in two, is when we feel the most calm. It's horrific that some people do get to the point where draining themselves of blood actually makes them feel better. Some old lyrics I wrote were “I'm addicted, I'm addicted; to the evidence drawn on my skin, to prove that I'm right within; and when I see it somehow I feel okay” It does truly get to a point where people can't go a day without hurting themselves and it becomes a habit that people can't break out of and people don't understand why they can't just throw away the blade and stop. We all have different ways of numbing the pain – smoking, pills, drugs, alcohol, a blade – it's not something people can just stop doing whenever the feel like. It's like you're drowning and people are just stood at the 10 metres away shouting “learn how to swim!” it's not that easy. It's not that simple. You can't just snap your fingers and everything will be okay again. If you know somebody who is suffering, simply telling them to stop isn't going to do suffice. I recently had someone who cut themselves and I knew that telling them to stop wasn't going to make them stop. People need someone to be there and to listen and to accept the fact they are doing it. All anyone needs is someone to listen and someone to be there. Because people say they are, but when it's 3am in the morning and you're cleaning your own blood up all over – where were you?
It's like no one really cares until something dramatic happens. Someone could be suffering over a problem for months but nobody really cares until they start to notice the scars or how skinny someone is getting. It's sometimes hard to notice that somebody is down but it's amazing how much three little words can do even if they weren't needed in the end “are you okay?” If somebody is going through something tough or you know something tough has happened to them, be there from the very start because they may never reach the stage where they are locked inside their own heads. I know that not everybody is going to come out straight away and tell you what's wrong, but if you approach it slowly and nicely eventually they'll break through to you. If you are suffering and someone is trying to help you, let them. They might not have the right words but they have the company you need. I read a story somewhere about self-harm and a friend held out their arm and said to other “You cut here as many times as you feel you need to cut yourself” and the other person replied “I can hurt myself but I can never hurt you” and finally she understood. And I understood. And maybe you will understand as well. I don't feel I need to elaborate on that any further.
I feel that self-harm is often dismissed because some people do it for the wrong reasons, for attention. I have known some people in the past who have cut themselves or said they are staving themselves just for attention and that really gets to me. There are genuine people out there who are hiding scars for the dear life of them and someone has the nerve to walk around and flaunt them in attempts to be beautiful or to be liked? Having scars doesn't make you beautiful or special. Someone kissing your “scars” isn't worth it when you created them purely for that reason. This is why self-harmed is dismissed and why it still happens today is because people just don't understand. I know that people who do self-harm feels like they can't tell anyone or let their faded scars show because it seems like a cry for attention. I know some people who have told friends and they have been like "Oh everybody does it, it's not big dea, stop pretending you're great because of it" I actually feel insulted when I hear about somebody being proud to have cut themselves as it shows they're it fighter – it makes you stupid and pathetic. You're a fighter if you genuinely have a struggle in life that you can't get through and you make it through that time, self-harm or not. Plus, “cutting across” is for attention? Really – I don't think it matters what way someone is hurting themselves, the fact that they are doing it means they aren't okay in some way or another.
Self harm and self hate are two different things, yet in a way they are the same. One destroys you from the inside out, the other destroys you from the outside in. If you are suffering from self-harm in any way, shape or form. I know it's hard to escape from so I am not going to sit here and nag you on and on about how you need to stop because you that for yourself. You know it's not good and you know they are in places people can't see so no one will ask if you're okay. I am asking you now, if you're okay? If you're not then I understand – I understand why you need to. Self-harm is a way of feeling alive when you feel dead on the inside. It's a way of lighting up the world when everything is dark. And it's morbid and viscous and life gets a little eerie sometimes but what I will say is that it's not like this all the time and there are ways you can break out of habit. Try...drawing a line on your arm or thigh or stomach in black sharpie pen every time you feel the need to cut and by the end of the day or week or month you'll be able to see just how strong you were and the progress you are making. Maybe you'll relapse, maybe it won't be as easy as I make it out to be. But there is a light at the end of every tunnel, there is a destination to every journey and there is happy ending to every story. This is your story. Do not give up.
To everyone who has read this blog I hope you consider carefully about the effects of self-harm and how many people are widely effected by this. I encourage you to keep asking “are you okay?” to anyone and everyone who seems the slightest bit effected by big situations. I know it's hard to understand self-harm and self-hatred when you're looking in on the outside but you don't really need to understand. You just need to right words at the right time. Or the right moment to just hold someone. To everyone who has read this blog who is suffering who has in the past or who may do in the future, this is just another chapter in your story and I know it sucks and I am not condoning that it's a good way to feel alive because it's not. But just know that you'll be okay one day and you'll look back and think – hey I made it through. Watching your scars fade and not wanting to create new ones. If you ever feel the need to let go, remember why you held on for so long. Pull up the anchor holding you down, if it's too heavy, cut the chain. You're strong, you just don't know it yet.
Don't hesitate to get in touch, please.