"Social anxiety is a discomfort or a fear when a person is in social interactions that involve a concern about being judged or evaluated by others" I haven't always had social anxiety even though it supposedly develops from childhood as a part of your social functioning, however it is now very common in teenagers and even older.
I developed social anxiety probably around the time I started in secondary school and I have many ideas as to why I may have developed it. You see, I've never really been a sociable sort of girl - I always thought it was due to the fact I never really fit in with a clique and despite my best efforts to change and adapt to this new way of living I could never find someone who would love me for me and never leave. Henceforth, I became too stubborn to change and devolved this constant fear of becoming too close to people because...what was the point if everyone was going to just get up and leave one day anyway? Due to the lack of friendships when I was younger I grew accustomed to a life of being alone in crowded hallways and now suddenly when I have started to become more sociable as I have grown older I have anxiety issues. Insecure.
I am incredibly insecure and this is what social anxiety revolves around - having an intense fear of what people are thinking about you. Now, whether this developed because I am used to being on my own and therefore I am not sure what people are going to think of me as a person I am not entirely sure - all I know is that I cannot walk into a group of people without feeling like I am going to throw up. Of course you all know my social anxiety cannot be so bad for me to have obtained a relationship for a year - however he has never been a stranger to me so it wasn't so hard for me to sustain a conversation. I have friends also, but friends that have also never really been strangers and have always known me to be this obscure human being.
But for example - I once walked into a shop to buy some gum and I saw how big the line was to pay and I just ran out. I couldn't line up to buy some gum because there was too many people and it was too much pressure on my shoulders. Another example was when I went to the cinema and the guy working there asked me how old I was...I started shaking and sweating, I couldn't remember my birthday, I was fumbling for my passport practically in tears. When going swimming and buying my ticket my boyfriend asked "I don't understand...you're just buying a ticket?" and that's the hardest thing for me. Sometimes, I find it extremely difficult to explain why I get these nervous panic attacks when being social - why can't I order my own food in a restaurant? Why can't I walk into a group of people on my own and join in the conversation? Why can't I get on the bus without almost throwing up? I did some reading on it and there is the idea of being watched and evaluated by other people and the "feeling of fear is extremely intense in these types of situations, occasionally causing one to become so worried that he or she feels anxious just thinking about them and will go to great lengths to avoid them." I think that is probably the best way to describe it.
So, having social anxiety has created lots of limitations for me. I don't belong to a big social group and I don't have many friends. Rarely do I see the sunshine and whenever my friend does take me out my heart is beating rapidly for the whole time and I'm uncomfortable and I really just cannot wait until I'm in the safe confinement of my bedroom walls. What I want to aspire to other people is not be like me. Do you know how many things you'll miss out on? How many beautiful days you'll never see? And it's not quite the same from the bedroom window as it is being engulfed by the beauty. I realize this and it's taking all I have to go out more frequently and to just enjoy the world. I don't think I'll truly ever get over my anxiety but I have started to see the true limitations and the effects that it is having on me. It's never ever going to go away unless I try and I think that's what everyone with anxiety needs to realize. Obviously, it will take time and effort and I am not expecting you to bound out of the door and smile at every person you see on the way to get on the bus to a restaurant to order your own food and then to the cinema and successfully tell the manager your d.o.b without hurling! One step at the time.
Remember, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself" - I mean...what are we really afraid of?
I developed social anxiety probably around the time I started in secondary school and I have many ideas as to why I may have developed it. You see, I've never really been a sociable sort of girl - I always thought it was due to the fact I never really fit in with a clique and despite my best efforts to change and adapt to this new way of living I could never find someone who would love me for me and never leave. Henceforth, I became too stubborn to change and devolved this constant fear of becoming too close to people because...what was the point if everyone was going to just get up and leave one day anyway? Due to the lack of friendships when I was younger I grew accustomed to a life of being alone in crowded hallways and now suddenly when I have started to become more sociable as I have grown older I have anxiety issues. Insecure.
I am incredibly insecure and this is what social anxiety revolves around - having an intense fear of what people are thinking about you. Now, whether this developed because I am used to being on my own and therefore I am not sure what people are going to think of me as a person I am not entirely sure - all I know is that I cannot walk into a group of people without feeling like I am going to throw up. Of course you all know my social anxiety cannot be so bad for me to have obtained a relationship for a year - however he has never been a stranger to me so it wasn't so hard for me to sustain a conversation. I have friends also, but friends that have also never really been strangers and have always known me to be this obscure human being.
But for example - I once walked into a shop to buy some gum and I saw how big the line was to pay and I just ran out. I couldn't line up to buy some gum because there was too many people and it was too much pressure on my shoulders. Another example was when I went to the cinema and the guy working there asked me how old I was...I started shaking and sweating, I couldn't remember my birthday, I was fumbling for my passport practically in tears. When going swimming and buying my ticket my boyfriend asked "I don't understand...you're just buying a ticket?" and that's the hardest thing for me. Sometimes, I find it extremely difficult to explain why I get these nervous panic attacks when being social - why can't I order my own food in a restaurant? Why can't I walk into a group of people on my own and join in the conversation? Why can't I get on the bus without almost throwing up? I did some reading on it and there is the idea of being watched and evaluated by other people and the "feeling of fear is extremely intense in these types of situations, occasionally causing one to become so worried that he or she feels anxious just thinking about them and will go to great lengths to avoid them." I think that is probably the best way to describe it.
So, having social anxiety has created lots of limitations for me. I don't belong to a big social group and I don't have many friends. Rarely do I see the sunshine and whenever my friend does take me out my heart is beating rapidly for the whole time and I'm uncomfortable and I really just cannot wait until I'm in the safe confinement of my bedroom walls. What I want to aspire to other people is not be like me. Do you know how many things you'll miss out on? How many beautiful days you'll never see? And it's not quite the same from the bedroom window as it is being engulfed by the beauty. I realize this and it's taking all I have to go out more frequently and to just enjoy the world. I don't think I'll truly ever get over my anxiety but I have started to see the true limitations and the effects that it is having on me. It's never ever going to go away unless I try and I think that's what everyone with anxiety needs to realize. Obviously, it will take time and effort and I am not expecting you to bound out of the door and smile at every person you see on the way to get on the bus to a restaurant to order your own food and then to the cinema and successfully tell the manager your d.o.b without hurling! One step at the time.
Remember, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself" - I mean...what are we really afraid of?