Just as I was drifting off to sleep last night, playing with the facts of the day, I found myself daydreaming about being a parent and having my child do something that society would consider 'wrong.' I lay there thinking, as a parent how do I think I would react? My answer was: "They have one life. So why should we make them feel like what they did, or what they chose to do with it was wrong?" Of course, I wrote this though down because I feel like it is a very important fact of life that everyone needs to know, understand and hopefully live by. Obviously there are implications of this that can't always be condoned, but the main theory behind this is something we should all consider as we start our lives as adults in the big, wide world.
We have a lot of choices to make in life, pretty much everyday we have constantly surrounded by these decisions ranging from something small and considerably fickle - to huge, life-changing decisions that make you collapse on the ground engulfed by your existential crisis. One of the worst thing about these decisions is the knowledge that you'll be judged, no matter what choice you make in the end, you'll be judged for it. And that goes for everything within life, you will be judged and there is nothing we can do about that, for now. What I want to introduce is the fact that we as individuals, I and you reading this can start to change this reality by changing our outlooks slightly. I think is important to remember we ourselves have to make decisions that we struggle to make, let alone with other people judging you. When you make a decision that someone else doesn't agree with, it makes you feel like you need to change the outcome you originally thought was great, right? Think about someone else putting in all that time to finally think "shit, I should have chosen the other thing." When in reality, you would've shat on them either way. I think the point is that, when people make controversially 'bad' decisions, we feel obliged to let them know, when in reality they don't see it as bad, or they acknowledge it as bad and know it can be considered as a mistake. They don't need people to tell them that, all they need to know is that you are there for them and that is it. Or if you don't know them, you don't have an opinion. It's that simple.
When people make decisions, we need to step back and appreciate just how hard this is for them, no doubt about it, no "yeah but this" and "yeah but that" - they've had a rough time and we do not need to make it any worse by throwing our shitty judgement all over it. A great quote I found about this was, "Before you judge someone else, think about all that [God has forgiven you for] you have been forgiven for" Obviously, when someone is doing something you feel is going to effect their life so badly and you are in the position to have some sort of say in it personally (in a relationship, close family, close best friend) then there will be some sort of leeway where you can help decipher the decision. But you can't make it unless it is your decision to make. You cannot tear someones right to choose what they want to do with their life away. You cannot make someone feel like crap from what they have chosen to do. You do not have that right. You have to think about how it's going to make you feel if it was the other way round. If you are sat there being really cocky and thinking "well if in the long run it changed my life for the better I'll probably thank them one day" then it is up to you to take that risk on someone elses life, because in reality how do you know 100% sure they would thank you? I guarantee they've thought about it a lot more than you have.
However, if things did go wrong and their 'bad' decision to hit a wall and prove your judgement correctly, that does not give you an excuse to say 'I told you so' and throw even more judgement their way. They've learnt from their mistake and now they need time and support to be able to move on from that. "You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consquences of your choice" But I don't think that it would ever be a choice they regret making, because every choice we make shapes our life in some way. It's all a part of the journey we are making. Which is why I am strongly stating that we can't take that away from someone.
So, I have decided that as a parent, if this be a choice I make in the future, I shan't ever tell my child that the choices they've made with their one life were bad ones. Everyone needs that freedom to make the choices they feel fit for the one life they want to live. We don't have time to not be okay with the moulds people have chosen for whom they want to be. I'll leave you with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, "Do you what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway" Don't let anyone stop you from being who you want to be, living a life you want to live and making hard decisions that will in some way or another shape your amazing future.
Go Nuts Guys.
2 Comments
John Tanworth
3/12/2015 11:59:05 am
You are telling people they are free to chose what they want yet this article seems to be telling others what to do and how they should act, who are you to tell others what they should and shouldn't do?
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Gee
8/12/2015 01:36:24 am
I am suggesting that people should consider how they act towards people who make, in our opinion, wrong decisions. Of course I cannot enforce upon people how they should react if they so strongly believe that reacting negatively would be the best thing to do. I am merely suggesting that acceptance of people's free choice would be a better approach towards people we care about. Then one day if you find yourself on the opposing side - you'll be thankful that the reaction and acceptance can be mutual and returned.
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