“You come home, make some tea, sit down in your armchair and all around there’s silence. Everyone decides for themselves whether that’s loneliness, or freedom” – Anonymous. It appears that recently, I am surrounded by people who seem to be going through this inner debate with themselves. This debate being whether sitting in that armchair, enjoying their tea in silence, is true loneliness, or true freedom. It was something that I failed to comprehend wholly, the only advice I could give was you do not need someone to validate you, but at the same time it’s nice to have someone to make you happier than you could already be on your own. Then suddenly, it was me sitting in that armchair, drinking tea in silence. And it was my turn to decide whether I was alone or free. Turns out that listening to some mediocre advice and making a choice like that just isn’t as easy I assumed it would be.
There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling alone. Physically, in terms of relationships and emotions I have been alone for quite some time now and that was a choice I was happy to make and continued to make throughout the course of a few months. Sometimes you do need time to physically enjoy the feeling of being on your own as well as the lack of emotional commitments. But, what I failed to understand and what I feel a lot of people fail to understand is that being single and not being emotionally invested in someone in a romantic way does not mean that you are emotionally disconnected from the world. The most heart-breaking thing for me having to help my friends that feel they are alone due to the lack of relationships or romantic investments, is that I am emotionally connected to them. Your friends and people you engage with on a day to day basis are there as an emotional part of who you are. You cannot physically or emotionally be alone when you have people that you love aiding you from moment to moment. This is something I feel that myself and my friends have taken for granted. Sometimes people always look for a part of themselves in someone romantically, but that’s not always the best thing to do. Friends are so ridiculously important and it took me way too long to understand that even though I am single and not invested in anyone romantically, it didn’t mean I was alone in terms of my emotions.
I know a lot of people who really crave the presence of another human being romantically in their lives. Though I understand that this is something that a lot of people actively look for, it shouldn’t be something that is a priority in our lives. For most of us we’re still super young and naïve and we shouldn’t be looking for who we are and more importantly our happiness inside the cage of somebody else. What we need to be doing is learning to drink that tea in our armchairs in silence and be happy doing so. If we can find a place, at this age, where we are happy and content with who we are and who we surround ourselves with then when you do meet somebody in a romantic way, they can only make you happier. If they ever left, you wouldn’t have to go back to this state of in-between. You wouldn’t have to discover how to be happy by starting at the bottom, because you were already happy with who you were before them. If you jump from person to person and rely solely on their hearts to save you, then my friend, you are screwed. Because love isn’t a promised thing. But who we are, though that can change, is forever.
Despite understanding all of this, there is a difference between being physically alone and feeling alone. If you do feel alone then naturally craving somebody in a romantic way will probably occur. This is why I feel so hypocritical writing this is because some days I am super content with who I am and I am just extremely grateful for all the people in my life. Then other days I wish I had something more with someone, because it is a nice feeling. But it shouldn’t have to be the only feeling that is going to help me not feel alone. I think it’s time that I and the other people in my life start focusing on what’s actually important and what is actually going to help. Do not seek happiness in the heart of someone who cannot return it you. Why not focus on people who do care and do you love you and stop making them feel bad for the fact that you’re single? Love is often sporadic and it will come into your life when you least expect it. Maybe you’ll be sitting in a lecture one day and the girl in front of you makes that 9am worth it. Maybe you’re at a party and a friend of a friend loves your music taste. Maybe you’re at a rugby game and you drunkenly start a conversation with a guy who makes you laugh more than the alcohol did. But then again…maybe they all suck. That is just life. Who is going to be there to laugh with you when it all goes tits up? Your friends...
We are too young and too stupid to be crying and worrying over whether or not we’ll be in love one day. We have too many deadlines to complete and too many parties to celebrate at after. We have too many people who are our dearest friends to care about whether anybody else does. So, when you get home and you make your tea and you sit in your chair and it’s silent…it’s not because you’re alone. It’s because you’re learning to be happy.
Appreciate and love your friends, or you’ll lose them.
Go Nuts Guys.
There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling alone. Physically, in terms of relationships and emotions I have been alone for quite some time now and that was a choice I was happy to make and continued to make throughout the course of a few months. Sometimes you do need time to physically enjoy the feeling of being on your own as well as the lack of emotional commitments. But, what I failed to understand and what I feel a lot of people fail to understand is that being single and not being emotionally invested in someone in a romantic way does not mean that you are emotionally disconnected from the world. The most heart-breaking thing for me having to help my friends that feel they are alone due to the lack of relationships or romantic investments, is that I am emotionally connected to them. Your friends and people you engage with on a day to day basis are there as an emotional part of who you are. You cannot physically or emotionally be alone when you have people that you love aiding you from moment to moment. This is something I feel that myself and my friends have taken for granted. Sometimes people always look for a part of themselves in someone romantically, but that’s not always the best thing to do. Friends are so ridiculously important and it took me way too long to understand that even though I am single and not invested in anyone romantically, it didn’t mean I was alone in terms of my emotions.
I know a lot of people who really crave the presence of another human being romantically in their lives. Though I understand that this is something that a lot of people actively look for, it shouldn’t be something that is a priority in our lives. For most of us we’re still super young and naïve and we shouldn’t be looking for who we are and more importantly our happiness inside the cage of somebody else. What we need to be doing is learning to drink that tea in our armchairs in silence and be happy doing so. If we can find a place, at this age, where we are happy and content with who we are and who we surround ourselves with then when you do meet somebody in a romantic way, they can only make you happier. If they ever left, you wouldn’t have to go back to this state of in-between. You wouldn’t have to discover how to be happy by starting at the bottom, because you were already happy with who you were before them. If you jump from person to person and rely solely on their hearts to save you, then my friend, you are screwed. Because love isn’t a promised thing. But who we are, though that can change, is forever.
Despite understanding all of this, there is a difference between being physically alone and feeling alone. If you do feel alone then naturally craving somebody in a romantic way will probably occur. This is why I feel so hypocritical writing this is because some days I am super content with who I am and I am just extremely grateful for all the people in my life. Then other days I wish I had something more with someone, because it is a nice feeling. But it shouldn’t have to be the only feeling that is going to help me not feel alone. I think it’s time that I and the other people in my life start focusing on what’s actually important and what is actually going to help. Do not seek happiness in the heart of someone who cannot return it you. Why not focus on people who do care and do you love you and stop making them feel bad for the fact that you’re single? Love is often sporadic and it will come into your life when you least expect it. Maybe you’ll be sitting in a lecture one day and the girl in front of you makes that 9am worth it. Maybe you’re at a party and a friend of a friend loves your music taste. Maybe you’re at a rugby game and you drunkenly start a conversation with a guy who makes you laugh more than the alcohol did. But then again…maybe they all suck. That is just life. Who is going to be there to laugh with you when it all goes tits up? Your friends...
We are too young and too stupid to be crying and worrying over whether or not we’ll be in love one day. We have too many deadlines to complete and too many parties to celebrate at after. We have too many people who are our dearest friends to care about whether anybody else does. So, when you get home and you make your tea and you sit in your chair and it’s silent…it’s not because you’re alone. It’s because you’re learning to be happy.
Appreciate and love your friends, or you’ll lose them.
Go Nuts Guys.