The majority of my year is actually attending 6th form, so the emotional side of losing people wasn't as great as the idea of leaving school into higher education. However - this day just made me think, in another 2 years we are going to have to do this all again - but then it will be the final goodbyes. People are going to head off to college or work. Committed relationships are going to form and babies will be born and marriages will taken place and I am not sure I am ready to step into the future of adulthood just quite yet. It seems all those years I spent crying over the fact that time wasn't going fast enough I now wish I could go back and relive. Oh, we all wish that we could have a time machine and go back and tell our former self "stop crying and grow some balls - some day your gonna miss having no responsibilities and the world being your playground" because when you get older, the world is no longer a playground of imagination and adventure...it's a scary abyss of jobs, taxes, housing and growing up.
When I said I am not ready to grow up and enter this new world of responsibility and adulthood - I seriously meant it. I would never, ever be financially stable, I have a part time job and as soon as I get paid the money it's gone in an instance - how will I ever afford to eat when I am older? I have tried to be responsible with money, trust me, but there are just so many things to buy that I never had the joy to do so before a job - we've all been there. Romantically I am freaking out - I know that eventually one day I am going to have to settle down, the thought of walking down a made-up aisle in a disgustingly long white dress both excites me and scares the crap out me. I am not ready to completely and utterly sign myself over to someone else. I know I am in a committed relationship and those things are supposed to last forever but still, I am 16 - I shouldn't have to feel that fear yet. The fact of the matter is - I don't think anyone is ready to kick-start our lives for real.
And we don't have to. Time seems like it's travelling at the speed of light right now but we have the ability to slow time down. I was in the gym today, running on the treadmills is extremely boring with nothing else to draw your attention to. So I found myself staring at this large black and white clock before me and my imagination and inspirational thoughts start flowing. "Look how slowly time is moving" I thought to myself...I am running and running but that thick black line is moving around the clock slower and slower the more I stared. I realized that whilst I was running on that treadmill in a gym full of sweaty human beings that I really didn't want to be there. Not entirely because it was exercise but because that clock was moving slowly for me, it was giving me the chance to do what I wanted with my time and to spend every minute the way I desire. Because time is going to run out...and did I want to spend it running on a treadmill? It was that inspiration that had me running for a different destination, a different destiny, a different place for me to be to spend my time.
What we all need to realize is that we can't stop time. The hands on the clock will keep spiraling round and round eternally. We can't go back and relive all those days we had at school and we can't stop the fact that we will eventually ease into the world of adulthood. But what we can do is choose how to spend each minute. The clock may appear to be going fast, but the more you really look, the slower it is. That is designed for us. We need to make every second count, we need to enjoy every breath. So stop worrying about adulthood or the next year of education, stop fretting over your last days at school and enjoy! Enjoy every single moment, grasp every opportunity, do crazy things and regret them later, don't leave any word unsaid.
Time is yours.