What do you find attractive about the opposite sex? Does this influence your decision as to whether or not you'd be with them? And what would you define as real beauty? Today I was scrolling through Facebook an admit-tingly I got a little green-cheeked. The majority of girls of my age look like the following: huge arse, huge boobs, perfect skin, pretty face, long hair, petite curvy bodies. And. Then. There’s. Me. Why did I get green-cheeked however? Because a boy I wish liked me, liked them and that's when I thought of this blog.
How many of you wish you looked like someone else? *Everybody raises their hand* Yeah that's what I thought; now for what reasons is it that we do that? I know that many people will feel they want to look like somebody else because that's what the opposite sex likes, or what the person we like personally wants within a partner. It's not something we can really help, we just automatically wish we were like them so that we can be liked. This is ridiculous and it's a habit I hope I can help everybody break out of. I have a friend who recently has been obsessing over wanting to be “blond” and “skinny” because this is what the guy she likes finds attractive. I stared at her and thought...why would somebody so beautiful want to look like anything other than herself? It's frustrating...when somebody who looks like the sunrise and the sunset is so oblivious to their own beauty due to wall of flaws and expectations obscuring their view of their true reflection in the mirror.
We shouldn't want to look like somebody else just so that we can be loved because that isn't what beauty is about. Personally when I look in the mirror, I don't feel that I look beautiful. I am not the typical girl guys will look at and think "damn she's hot" or "I'd do her"; neither am I the kind of girl guys fall in love with. But when I was in my onesie sprawled out across the bed and the person I once loved leant down and kissed me on the forehead – I did. I felt beautiful. So, maybe we need to question what beauty really is before we go changing ourselves for other people. Of course we all have our own personal opinions as to what we look for in an ideal partner, I mean that is natural for us to all do – for me personally I like really nice deep eyes and hair; I am sucker for super good-looking hair. But if a guy doesn't have that I am not going to think he is any less good looking than the next guy or that he's not an idealistic partner as somebody who have those traits. I think that we're hung up on trying to be somebody’s expectations that we're not really being who we truly are and embracing it.
Personally, I feel that girls are targeted a lot more than guys. Don't get me wrong I know that guys are too but I feel that girls have more pressure to look good. Guys are always going on about being “a boob guy” or a “bum guy” or having “thigh gaps” and a “flat stomach” that us girls feel like we NEED to spend our lives working on having those physical features. In all honestly, I don't have any boobs – okay I have boobs they are just barely anything to look at – I have never really had a problem with this, I am completely okay with having small boobs. But when guys start calling you names or saying that they'd never be with me because of that reason I start to question the way I look, not just boobs but everything else. It's so bad that sometimes even girls take the piss out of someone if they have small boobs or no bum. It's ridiculous?! Why should you decide whether or not you could be in love with someone by what cup size they are? That's like saying "Ew I can't date you, you have size 7 feet" This results in people going on ridiculous diets or spending all their free time in the gym and for what? (Not in the gym to change their feet just to reiterate) To look good for somebody who doesn't deserve it? If you're personally picking out peoples flaws as a reason as to why you can't love them then you don't deserve to be in love.
I decided to gather up some boy and girl opinions about this and asked them the following questions:
1. What do you find the most attractive physically about girls/boys?
2. If a girl/boy doesn't have these features are you less likely to like her/him/be with her/him/find her less appealing?
3. How would you define real beauty?
And I asked girls an extra question “Do you feel pressure to look good?” And these were the results I got:
Boys Girls
How many of you wish you looked like someone else? *Everybody raises their hand* Yeah that's what I thought; now for what reasons is it that we do that? I know that many people will feel they want to look like somebody else because that's what the opposite sex likes, or what the person we like personally wants within a partner. It's not something we can really help, we just automatically wish we were like them so that we can be liked. This is ridiculous and it's a habit I hope I can help everybody break out of. I have a friend who recently has been obsessing over wanting to be “blond” and “skinny” because this is what the guy she likes finds attractive. I stared at her and thought...why would somebody so beautiful want to look like anything other than herself? It's frustrating...when somebody who looks like the sunrise and the sunset is so oblivious to their own beauty due to wall of flaws and expectations obscuring their view of their true reflection in the mirror.
We shouldn't want to look like somebody else just so that we can be loved because that isn't what beauty is about. Personally when I look in the mirror, I don't feel that I look beautiful. I am not the typical girl guys will look at and think "damn she's hot" or "I'd do her"; neither am I the kind of girl guys fall in love with. But when I was in my onesie sprawled out across the bed and the person I once loved leant down and kissed me on the forehead – I did. I felt beautiful. So, maybe we need to question what beauty really is before we go changing ourselves for other people. Of course we all have our own personal opinions as to what we look for in an ideal partner, I mean that is natural for us to all do – for me personally I like really nice deep eyes and hair; I am sucker for super good-looking hair. But if a guy doesn't have that I am not going to think he is any less good looking than the next guy or that he's not an idealistic partner as somebody who have those traits. I think that we're hung up on trying to be somebody’s expectations that we're not really being who we truly are and embracing it.
Personally, I feel that girls are targeted a lot more than guys. Don't get me wrong I know that guys are too but I feel that girls have more pressure to look good. Guys are always going on about being “a boob guy” or a “bum guy” or having “thigh gaps” and a “flat stomach” that us girls feel like we NEED to spend our lives working on having those physical features. In all honestly, I don't have any boobs – okay I have boobs they are just barely anything to look at – I have never really had a problem with this, I am completely okay with having small boobs. But when guys start calling you names or saying that they'd never be with me because of that reason I start to question the way I look, not just boobs but everything else. It's so bad that sometimes even girls take the piss out of someone if they have small boobs or no bum. It's ridiculous?! Why should you decide whether or not you could be in love with someone by what cup size they are? That's like saying "Ew I can't date you, you have size 7 feet" This results in people going on ridiculous diets or spending all their free time in the gym and for what? (Not in the gym to change their feet just to reiterate) To look good for somebody who doesn't deserve it? If you're personally picking out peoples flaws as a reason as to why you can't love them then you don't deserve to be in love.
I decided to gather up some boy and girl opinions about this and asked them the following questions:
1. What do you find the most attractive physically about girls/boys?
2. If a girl/boy doesn't have these features are you less likely to like her/him/be with her/him/find her less appealing?
3. How would you define real beauty?
And I asked girls an extra question “Do you feel pressure to look good?” And these were the results I got:
Boys Girls
Some of my favourite: "I'd say there us no such thing as 'real beauty', as every person has their own idea of what is beautiful. There can be no universal 'real beauty'. Some people would say a good personality shows real beauty, but I don't think this is the case, as if people disagree it is not the definitive real answer to what beauty really is." "When people ask me am I a "boobs or bum kinda guy?" Yes, is the answer." "..an individuals ability to maintain intelligent conversation or their willingness to spend hours talking to me about absolutely nothing just for the sake of it." "Confidence" | Some of my favourite: "...it's impossible. I'd love to be the stereotypical 'beautiful' but I'm slowly learning that, I am who I am and I believe that in God's eyes I am beautiful" "A little because people seem to think that when you do look good, you get the things you want, which I believe isn't true but some people do." "Social media has too much power and control nowadays and can so easily make anyone (not just girls) to feel like a worthless piece of shit" "that is your real beauty right there with that person" |
It actually made me smile. Everybody that answered these questions for me answered them in all the ways I would have hoped. We all admitted that we like certain things about the opposite sex but that the main reason as to why you would be with them is for their personality and for who they really are. You don't fall in love with peoples boobs, you don't get down on one knee and say “Gee's boobs – will you guys marry me?” No – you marry them as a whole, you marry who they are, you fall in love with what’s on the inside not what plastic seal they're built from. I don't mean you're literally dating their intestines and stomach etc, that would be gross unless you're into that kind of shit. A lot of girls did say that they felt pressure to look good and some didn't; I feel that we need to as a society release this tension and pressure from girls because it's not fair that we feel the need to change ourselves for somebody else. Those pictures with hundreds of likes because a girl has a flat stomach and big boobs? Is that beautiful or is that just trying too hard to be the typical girl a typical guy likes? Do you or I even want a guy to look at us and think "I'd do her" or "I want to get to know her". All these girls are perfectly good-looking without the mountains of make up and the floozy Facebook profile picture, but sometimes (sorry guys) boys and likes encourage it. But maybe people do that as we feel the pressure to be someone who we're not.
I also feel like this is encouraged a lot through social media and entertainment etc. How many of you have seen "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj? *Everyone raises hand* Okay I don't know what the lyrics are or what they even mean and I am not even going to pretend I give a shit. But it's a video of loads of girls shaking their booties around and also a lap dance at the end? I feel that this also adds a lot of pressure for girls to have big butts? I have never really understood why big bums are so attractive but are you not going to date a girl because she can't twerk like Nicki? Furthermore, with social media, you do have pictures of guys and girls in the nude with perfect bodies and that adds a lot of pressure on all of us too...I mean like it did to me this morning. (I mean what even is a perfect body...define a perfect body and then tell me how that is different to anyone else's?) When you see the amount of likes someone has or somebody you like who admires the way they look you feel this urgency to be like them when you don't have to be and don't need to be. Because the way you are is perfect we're just oblivious and invisible to that.
What is beauty? Two of my favourite answers for this question was about laying on the sofa and being completely comfortable with each other and being with the other person - that's your beauty, because that's what I feel beauty is all about. Beauty is feeling beautiful rather than looking in the mirror and thinking “damn I look hot” It is good to look in the mirror and to feel like you do look good, I do condone that but in this day and age it will just have to be accepted that some people will never see their beauty but will only feel it. It's up to us as the people that fall in love with someone to make them feel beautiful, to spend our entire being to make them feel that way because everyone deserves to be beautiful.
So I may not have big boobs or a perfect figure of the nicest face you've ever seen and okay I may be naturally ginger instead of bleach blond or black. But I shouldn't have to change myself in order for somebody to love me, maybe it'll take a long time to find a guy that'll see past my flaws and fall in love with my heart rather than my bum but hey; they are worth the wait. We need to stop objectifying people for what they look like on the outside. It's okay to have idealistic features for your partner but don't use these as a boundary as to who you can and cannot be with. Lastly, don't ever make someone feel bad for the way they look. Don't laugh and point out I have small boobs because funnily enough I see them everyday, I am pretty sure I know. And I am okay with it. We should all be okay with the way we look and maybe one day learn to love the way we look. We shouldn't ever want to look like somebody else, we should never want to change ourselves for somebody because the way we are is the way we will always be. Beauty isn't about finding that perfect person with those perfect eyes, it's about finding that perfect person and making them feel beautiful and them returning the favour. It's about waking up and seeing you're messy attire and thinking, hey I'm beautiful.
We're all beautiful.
In different ways.
Don't ever change, okay?
I also feel like this is encouraged a lot through social media and entertainment etc. How many of you have seen "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj? *Everyone raises hand* Okay I don't know what the lyrics are or what they even mean and I am not even going to pretend I give a shit. But it's a video of loads of girls shaking their booties around and also a lap dance at the end? I feel that this also adds a lot of pressure for girls to have big butts? I have never really understood why big bums are so attractive but are you not going to date a girl because she can't twerk like Nicki? Furthermore, with social media, you do have pictures of guys and girls in the nude with perfect bodies and that adds a lot of pressure on all of us too...I mean like it did to me this morning. (I mean what even is a perfect body...define a perfect body and then tell me how that is different to anyone else's?) When you see the amount of likes someone has or somebody you like who admires the way they look you feel this urgency to be like them when you don't have to be and don't need to be. Because the way you are is perfect we're just oblivious and invisible to that.
What is beauty? Two of my favourite answers for this question was about laying on the sofa and being completely comfortable with each other and being with the other person - that's your beauty, because that's what I feel beauty is all about. Beauty is feeling beautiful rather than looking in the mirror and thinking “damn I look hot” It is good to look in the mirror and to feel like you do look good, I do condone that but in this day and age it will just have to be accepted that some people will never see their beauty but will only feel it. It's up to us as the people that fall in love with someone to make them feel beautiful, to spend our entire being to make them feel that way because everyone deserves to be beautiful.
So I may not have big boobs or a perfect figure of the nicest face you've ever seen and okay I may be naturally ginger instead of bleach blond or black. But I shouldn't have to change myself in order for somebody to love me, maybe it'll take a long time to find a guy that'll see past my flaws and fall in love with my heart rather than my bum but hey; they are worth the wait. We need to stop objectifying people for what they look like on the outside. It's okay to have idealistic features for your partner but don't use these as a boundary as to who you can and cannot be with. Lastly, don't ever make someone feel bad for the way they look. Don't laugh and point out I have small boobs because funnily enough I see them everyday, I am pretty sure I know. And I am okay with it. We should all be okay with the way we look and maybe one day learn to love the way we look. We shouldn't ever want to look like somebody else, we should never want to change ourselves for somebody because the way we are is the way we will always be. Beauty isn't about finding that perfect person with those perfect eyes, it's about finding that perfect person and making them feel beautiful and them returning the favour. It's about waking up and seeing you're messy attire and thinking, hey I'm beautiful.
We're all beautiful.
In different ways.
Don't ever change, okay?