It was a fictional story I watched that has drove my mind insane with all these different theories of love and life. The main protagonist, his one true other half left him and he waited for 3 years and she finally came back, he knew she was coming back all along and it just seriously hit me that love isn't something that we can just pretend is the best or worst thing that has ever happened to us, it's something we feel in our bones, it ignites us, unites us and makes up who we are. I have tried to promise myself and promise you guys I wouldn't write about love but I can't help it, because loves gives me a reason to write and I love writing. So here I am, doing it again. Writing about the experiences that made me who I am today and I encourage every single one of you to be in touch with that as well. I am embarrassingly awesome because I have finally admitted that to myself and to you and I just want to smile. I am probably more in love with writing about love than actually being in it, and I love being in love because I can write about it.
Instead of blocking out old memories and trying to avoid things because they hurt, we should be embracing them. We should grasp every single moment that life presents us with because those moments are what makes every single piece of our jigsaw that we can put together at the end and think, holy shit that is a fucking amazing picture I created. If we don't take risks and we don't allow these feelings to swallow every single inch of us we are never going to have lived even half of what we could have. We only have one life and to think most of us spend it walking away from beautiful potentials in order to avoid the tears...is crazy. Life is about grabbing onto everything and anything that makes us happy, life is about finding that utmost happiness and here I am trying to push it away. Don't do that to yourselves. Don't allow the pragmatic side of your mind to flow free, inside cage it up and let the love escape, let the real you just be you.
This probably isn't making any sense but I am hope it enlightens some of your minds and allows a tiny fragment of risk and "what if's" to escape and be mental for a little while. Too many of us are trying to be happy in all the wrong ways. I have people who are determined to be single for as long as they possible can because they think that it is the best thing to achieve happiness, I have other people who can't stop being in relationships because they can't just be alone, I know people that pretend to be something they are not in order to have friends because that's being happy and I have other people that just don't know what they fuck to do. This one dude thought I was the one girl who was going to change his world around and then he met someone else who changed it in ways I couldn't and the fact that he stood up and told me that and didn't tie himself down to me because he thought that was the best way to be "happy" makes me want to smile and gives me so much courage in life. Yeah, I was hurt but the whole idea that he found utmost happiness in his own way and had the balls to do it makes me not even care, hats off to him.
I am opening up to you guys wholly in order to show you that, being who you really are isn't really that hard and by being who you really are and letting everyone know that is really the best and only way to truly be happy. So if you want to be single truly inside your heart then do it, if they is someone you love wholly and contently and they and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and their smile gives you fucking butterflies then just be with them. Forget about deadlines and the future and the distance and the other people, think about what makes you smile and how fucking brilliant it feels to be alive when you smile man. If you want to be a chav or an emo or a super preppy cool kid, whatever other cliques they are, BE FUCKING THAT! Or don't be a clique, WHATEVER. Just strive to be that person that makes you smile, that person that when you look in the mirror you think HELL YEAH this is me and this is what I want people to see and this is what they are going to love whether they want to or not. And if love does that for or doesn't or it's something else entirely different, don't let any judge you for that. Don't create imaginary boundaries for yourselves.
So me? I am a HOPELESS ROMANTIC. And I love to write about it and I am sorry if that is not what people are into. I am not going to keep committing myself to being single for a year and I am not going to keep pretending I am not in love when I am. But I am also not going to do something crazy like the fictional character did and wait for 3 years because he knew for sure she was coming back whereas I know for sure he isn't. But the whole point is, the message of that fictional story truly triggered inside me what it means to be alive and that is just being who you are and being open about what you love and who you love. It's one of the most satisfying feelings you can ever, ever be blessed with feeling. Despite everyone else telling you that you're wrong or you're not normal...following your heart is the only way to go about it. I spent months doing what everyone else told me to do because I thought it was the only way to redeem myself as normal as the things I was feeling wasn't alright, it was psychotic but they're not. I am human and I am me and I am happy so fuck everyone else who redeems you as not awesome, because they are just trying to find their way as well and they are going down a different road to you.
And I know I always say this and I will keep on saying it until you do it...LIVE RECKLESSLY, KISS until your lips are PURPLE, never leaves any WORDS left UNSAID, drink until you can't SEE, love until you can't FEEL, smile until your face ACHES, and fucking LIVE. Just live.
We only have one shot at this, let's do it right.
Go nuts.