I have had a lot of things all happen at once, recently. Arguments, laughter, losing friends, meeting new friends. All the while I feel as though I have been watching through a dirty window, whilst I, or some version of me has been living life out day by day. In these blogs, I always comment on how important it is to step back and appreciate life and all the things and people we have in it; I even have a tattoo to remind me to do this from time to time, to take a breather. But recently, I feel like I have stepped back from life for too long and suddenly I am questioning every path I have ventured down, every decision I have been too quick or too hesitant to make. Life seems to be driving past me at a hundred miles per hour and I don’t want to be waking up at 30 not having achieved all the things I want to achieve. Now, I am stuck on the other side of that dirty window, resistant to re-join a life that has me utterly confused, panicked and dumbstruck.
Growing up, you are constantly asked, “What do you want to be?” and, “What do you want to do?” But we are never really asked who do we want to be? And what do we want to leave behind when all has been said and done? Whilst we are growing up being told we needed to be doctors or actors, we were never really given the aid or push to consider what it is exactly that we’re going to mark on this earth. Who do you want to be that is going to make a difference? Who are you going to be that is going to make something else better? These professions we are constantly working towards, or rather being thrown towards, aren’t just jobs. They are going to be such a huge part of who we are for a large majority of our lives. And I wish someone had truly educated me on that when I was younger, because if I am going to be in a specific line of work for the majority of my life in this ONE life I have, I want to make sure I am doing something big. Something that will leave my mark. Something that will be a change, a good difference in the world. And I sure as hell shouldn’t have had to teach myself that.
All these thoughts are running around my brain constantly, causing havoc in a cramped area that is somewhat already occupied by deadlines, finances, broken relationships and friendships, weight loss and beauty crisis’ and all of a sudden my future is around the corner; knocking on the door that I am not ready to answer. Of course, this is hard to explain to people who haven’t come to this realisation themselves. Life is drawn out for us and we are told over and over the way it should be. School, school, college and university. Internships, internships, jobs and promotions. Relationships, friendships, family and that’s the way it should go. I don’t like that there is a basic step ladder I should be following that will somehow achieve happiness for my future self, because I can't do all the things I want to do following that ladder. I simply do not have enough time for step-by-step instructions, I need to grab everything by two hands if I want to be everything I set out to be and make all the changes I hope to see in the world and eventually, myself. This is something I think we should all be questioning, as life doesn’t always fall under the basic steps, things happen and our lives take a different course on accident – so why can’t we do that on purpose? We are in control of what paths we take and what steps take us where. As a child I wish this sort of liberation was thrown on me more often and was taught to be a fact. As opposed to being told that to truly to be happy I need to follow a step ladder to a top that’s not tall enough for me.
I have had a lot of things all happen at once, recently. Arguments, laughter, losing friends, meeting new friends. All the while I feel as though I have been watching through a dirty window…but I am ready to come back into reality. I am 19 years old and though to many of you reading that is really young, it’s really not. Now is the time to be making the changes I want, now is the time to become the person who I really want to be. Now is the time to step off that basic step ladder and create a life that I want to live. As to be happy, I need to know that I have done everything and anything I can to achieve my dreams. I don’t have time to cry over long lost friends and new beginnings that start without me, for I have my own beginning to be catching up with. I hope when I am 30 I look back on this, with my profession that is more than a job…and I am proud.
The world is waiting for you.
Go nuts guys.
Growing up, you are constantly asked, “What do you want to be?” and, “What do you want to do?” But we are never really asked who do we want to be? And what do we want to leave behind when all has been said and done? Whilst we are growing up being told we needed to be doctors or actors, we were never really given the aid or push to consider what it is exactly that we’re going to mark on this earth. Who do you want to be that is going to make a difference? Who are you going to be that is going to make something else better? These professions we are constantly working towards, or rather being thrown towards, aren’t just jobs. They are going to be such a huge part of who we are for a large majority of our lives. And I wish someone had truly educated me on that when I was younger, because if I am going to be in a specific line of work for the majority of my life in this ONE life I have, I want to make sure I am doing something big. Something that will leave my mark. Something that will be a change, a good difference in the world. And I sure as hell shouldn’t have had to teach myself that.
All these thoughts are running around my brain constantly, causing havoc in a cramped area that is somewhat already occupied by deadlines, finances, broken relationships and friendships, weight loss and beauty crisis’ and all of a sudden my future is around the corner; knocking on the door that I am not ready to answer. Of course, this is hard to explain to people who haven’t come to this realisation themselves. Life is drawn out for us and we are told over and over the way it should be. School, school, college and university. Internships, internships, jobs and promotions. Relationships, friendships, family and that’s the way it should go. I don’t like that there is a basic step ladder I should be following that will somehow achieve happiness for my future self, because I can't do all the things I want to do following that ladder. I simply do not have enough time for step-by-step instructions, I need to grab everything by two hands if I want to be everything I set out to be and make all the changes I hope to see in the world and eventually, myself. This is something I think we should all be questioning, as life doesn’t always fall under the basic steps, things happen and our lives take a different course on accident – so why can’t we do that on purpose? We are in control of what paths we take and what steps take us where. As a child I wish this sort of liberation was thrown on me more often and was taught to be a fact. As opposed to being told that to truly to be happy I need to follow a step ladder to a top that’s not tall enough for me.
I have had a lot of things all happen at once, recently. Arguments, laughter, losing friends, meeting new friends. All the while I feel as though I have been watching through a dirty window…but I am ready to come back into reality. I am 19 years old and though to many of you reading that is really young, it’s really not. Now is the time to be making the changes I want, now is the time to become the person who I really want to be. Now is the time to step off that basic step ladder and create a life that I want to live. As to be happy, I need to know that I have done everything and anything I can to achieve my dreams. I don’t have time to cry over long lost friends and new beginnings that start without me, for I have my own beginning to be catching up with. I hope when I am 30 I look back on this, with my profession that is more than a job…and I am proud.
The world is waiting for you.
Go nuts guys.