2 years ago today, this very evening, I was asked to be somebody's girlfriend. Tonight, I am sat here under the light of my living room lamp wondering if the girl I was two years ago, knew just what kind of journey she was agreeing to endure when she said yes. I am not the same person I was, I have developed and grown a lot in terms of who I am and who I strive to be. That relationship isn't the same either in terms of where it's going and what is actually is due to the things we've experienced. Looking back I've decided there is not a single thing I regret, despite the fact that a lot of things did go wrong. But without those experiences I wouldn't nearly be as content and happy within this commitment as I am today; as well as proud of myself in fact for just how far I've come.
I was 15 two years ago on this evening and I would describe myself as a very naive and whimsical girl. I believed in fairytales and happy endings, I thought love was something that happened over night and lasted forever. I read so many books and watched so many films that gave me all these false assumptions about love and just how magical it was going to be. And oh how fucking wrong they were. I think in some cases, in fact, I'll confidently say this will all my heart, that in real life love is just so much better. Being able to fall in love over a longer period of time is such an amazing and gratifying experience, being able to spend that amount of time with someone and each and everyday just feeling yourself being pulled into their personality and company, it's not something a book or film could ever truly portray for you. The start of my relationship was very much like a fairytale so it seemed, again I was still young and naive and everything he did and said was perfect. For about a year or so that was content for me and I truly did not say anything going wrong, but then that is when real life comes in. This is when you have to learn to grow up and develop new traits to help you survive. Though this was the most horrific part, in some cases it has to be the most favourable in terms of being learning curve and giving me that knowledge for later life.
For those of you who have had first relationships, you'll know that the break up is very hard. Because you know, you thought you were going to be together forever. It stings because nothing could ever go wrong and then it just did. You'll spend forever and I promise you, trying to figure out what it is about yourself that just wasn't good enough. I think this experience for me was what really taught me to love myself because I was just so damn angry. If there was no reason, so he insisted, as to why I wasn't good enough then maybe I was good enough and that's when I realised that nobody else could love me properly until I had really securely decided, or at least had some idea who I was and wanted to be. Because then I could accept myself and learn to love me. I had a really good time, trying to decide who I was - it gave me a lot of new experiences outside of a relationship. I was able to focus on other things that kept my mind away from the things that shouldn't have mattered anymore. Though it was a painful period of time, it was a good time. I can only hope that he felt the same way. So I suppose I am reminding people that break-ups shouldn't be the end of something, but the start of something new for yourself. It probably happened so you could develop, because 2 years on I am no longer as naive or whimsical. I am aware about the realism of relationships and life and I am no longer naive because I know what it feels like to get hurt. That's why I was in the perfect stance for myself, to get back into a relationship.
I promised myself I was going to take a year off for myself, on a quest to find out who I am. It feels like I wrote that blog yesterday, yet it's already been a year. On my journey of self-discovery, there was one thing I knew by the end of it. That was that I have the strength and the confidence to be able to do anything I put my mind to, I had it in me all along it was just masked by the silly books and movies I had grown up on. I wanted to be able to share this love I had conquered with someone else at the perfect time for me to do so. With no books and movies, just me and my new optimism. I am completely aware how the relationship might end up and I am prepared for the pain I suppose, but this time it's so much more different because I can focus on love. Rather than what's supposed to happen, what is happening. Real life. I am just as whimsical as I was before, just with a little bit more realism to the situation occurring around me. If there is any advice I can take from this event for you guys, whether you're starting a new relationship, in the middle or at the end - you can be completely and utterly in love but it'll never work unless both of you are secure in terms of the love you have with yourself. I never thought I'd be able to conquer serenity, but I did - I am sure my partner at the time never thought he would win the fight inside his head, but he did. Love isn't just how compatible you are and how they make you feel, but what you can give back and how you did it. It's easy for me to throw at you but, honestly - being young and love is so dangerous when we are growing up and learning about the world. Just take the time, take that year to self-discover. It'll be worth it.
If there is another I thing I discovered, it was that the love that had possessed that naive and whimsical girl 2 years ago didn't ever go away. It travelled with me on my journey and will always be a piece of the jigsaw that makes me who I am. That's why it was so easy to still be in love when the journey was up, why it was so easy to yes all over again.
Wow two years. Growing up is fucking scary. Good luck and
Go Nuts Guys.
I was 15 two years ago on this evening and I would describe myself as a very naive and whimsical girl. I believed in fairytales and happy endings, I thought love was something that happened over night and lasted forever. I read so many books and watched so many films that gave me all these false assumptions about love and just how magical it was going to be. And oh how fucking wrong they were. I think in some cases, in fact, I'll confidently say this will all my heart, that in real life love is just so much better. Being able to fall in love over a longer period of time is such an amazing and gratifying experience, being able to spend that amount of time with someone and each and everyday just feeling yourself being pulled into their personality and company, it's not something a book or film could ever truly portray for you. The start of my relationship was very much like a fairytale so it seemed, again I was still young and naive and everything he did and said was perfect. For about a year or so that was content for me and I truly did not say anything going wrong, but then that is when real life comes in. This is when you have to learn to grow up and develop new traits to help you survive. Though this was the most horrific part, in some cases it has to be the most favourable in terms of being learning curve and giving me that knowledge for later life.
For those of you who have had first relationships, you'll know that the break up is very hard. Because you know, you thought you were going to be together forever. It stings because nothing could ever go wrong and then it just did. You'll spend forever and I promise you, trying to figure out what it is about yourself that just wasn't good enough. I think this experience for me was what really taught me to love myself because I was just so damn angry. If there was no reason, so he insisted, as to why I wasn't good enough then maybe I was good enough and that's when I realised that nobody else could love me properly until I had really securely decided, or at least had some idea who I was and wanted to be. Because then I could accept myself and learn to love me. I had a really good time, trying to decide who I was - it gave me a lot of new experiences outside of a relationship. I was able to focus on other things that kept my mind away from the things that shouldn't have mattered anymore. Though it was a painful period of time, it was a good time. I can only hope that he felt the same way. So I suppose I am reminding people that break-ups shouldn't be the end of something, but the start of something new for yourself. It probably happened so you could develop, because 2 years on I am no longer as naive or whimsical. I am aware about the realism of relationships and life and I am no longer naive because I know what it feels like to get hurt. That's why I was in the perfect stance for myself, to get back into a relationship.
I promised myself I was going to take a year off for myself, on a quest to find out who I am. It feels like I wrote that blog yesterday, yet it's already been a year. On my journey of self-discovery, there was one thing I knew by the end of it. That was that I have the strength and the confidence to be able to do anything I put my mind to, I had it in me all along it was just masked by the silly books and movies I had grown up on. I wanted to be able to share this love I had conquered with someone else at the perfect time for me to do so. With no books and movies, just me and my new optimism. I am completely aware how the relationship might end up and I am prepared for the pain I suppose, but this time it's so much more different because I can focus on love. Rather than what's supposed to happen, what is happening. Real life. I am just as whimsical as I was before, just with a little bit more realism to the situation occurring around me. If there is any advice I can take from this event for you guys, whether you're starting a new relationship, in the middle or at the end - you can be completely and utterly in love but it'll never work unless both of you are secure in terms of the love you have with yourself. I never thought I'd be able to conquer serenity, but I did - I am sure my partner at the time never thought he would win the fight inside his head, but he did. Love isn't just how compatible you are and how they make you feel, but what you can give back and how you did it. It's easy for me to throw at you but, honestly - being young and love is so dangerous when we are growing up and learning about the world. Just take the time, take that year to self-discover. It'll be worth it.
If there is another I thing I discovered, it was that the love that had possessed that naive and whimsical girl 2 years ago didn't ever go away. It travelled with me on my journey and will always be a piece of the jigsaw that makes me who I am. That's why it was so easy to still be in love when the journey was up, why it was so easy to yes all over again.
Wow two years. Growing up is fucking scary. Good luck and
Go Nuts Guys.