This week so far has been one of this first weeks in a long while where I have wanted to cry persistently but I can't because I am genuinely too tired to cry. I cannot function properly because sixth is draining the life out of me. So what do I do? Go home and write a blog about it of course.
I was given back some literature coursework today and my teacher sat down with me and said something along the lines of "the original grade was the top grade - absolutely brilliant - but I thought to make it more genuine and realistic to the examiners I'd mark it down one mark. BUT - I am going to be super ludicrously nice and let you work on it some more to be rewarded that one mark back!" My heart literally just fell out of my arse and I felt the tears on the brink of pouring out of my eyes, not because I didn't get the grade I wanted in the end, but the reality of having to do more work on something I felt relieved about finishing weeks ago. I think she saw the tears too because she hastily added "Don't worry - I'll go through it with you, don't worry!" And deep down inside I kind of hope she felt a little bit bad for trying to achieve her "authentic" marking because in that moment I was wholly ready to throw my folders on the ground and just say "fuck it!" because sixth form literally is the most satanic anally raping existing educating system of all time.
At this current point in time where I was ready to dramatically storm out of school my friend starting a conversation with me, probably in the hope of preventing me from crying and she said "If I dropped out of sixth form I would probably be a lot happier" And this reality sunk into my brain and would not leave me for the rest of the day. Just think about it...if we all didn't have to wake up early and go to sixth form everyday, we'd all be ridiculously happy fantastical unicorns, dancing over rainbows, shitting out happiness and freedom. There would be no deadlines, so we'd never have this constant stress goblin sat at the back of our minds persistently reminding us about "homework, essays, revision, rehearsals, do this, do that" like just fuck off for one minute and let me breath! I remember just going to bed last night thinking "I hope it snows like fuck because sixth form". Why are we all letting this demonic system destroy us wholly? I decided to go mourn at home for lunch and whilst sitting there I thought..."I could stay here right now. I don't have to go back. They can't MAKE me go back. *hysterical laughter*"
But the thing is...I did go back to school. I went back to sixth form and I sat down and did my work as I do everyday. Because there is something a lot bigger than stressing over one mark I lost in an essay and that's the prospect of my future. I am not ready to sit down and devote myself to one topic so college or an apprenticeship is just not for me. And I did kind of well in my GCSE's so I am not really in the mood to redo a year to gain an extra mark here and there to see no valuable change in results. Sixth form is just where I am meant to be because it's the best place for me right now. And in all honestly...if you're in the same scenerio as me, it's probably the best place for you too. And there is not a lot we can do about that, we can't change the difficulty of what we are being taught, but we can change the way we approach it in a way that will make it easier for us. And one of those approachable ways have to be our attitude, because my attitude today was disgraceful and looking back on it now writing this, I kind of feel bad I reacted in that way towards my teacher because they were only trying to do what's best for me, even if it means a few extra hours of work my stress goblin is now happily chanting at the back of my mind.
If you really think about it, most of you have half of year left and people in my year...time flies by really fast and I think it's important we actually try to enjoy the time we have left to the greatest of our capacities because our year as a whole are all really close and just look have far we've all come together...and in less than a year and a half it's all going to be coming to an end and I am not sure I am ready to say goodbye just yet. Sixth form sucks dick, I mean if sixth form was a person I would roundhouse kick it in the face about 33 thousand times whilst rapidly screaming about all the mean shit it has dumped on everyone in the fast few months, BUT saying that...it's all we've got right now.
So, my advise for myself and all of you guys...let's just suck it up and get on with it. Let's just enjoy the next year and a bit, get drunk on shit results and then eagerly await the arrival of University. (Can't wait to read the blogs about that slice of hell eh?) Good luck for Friday with your mock results, if anyone sneaks in some vodka, sharing is caring.
Go nuts.
I was given back some literature coursework today and my teacher sat down with me and said something along the lines of "the original grade was the top grade - absolutely brilliant - but I thought to make it more genuine and realistic to the examiners I'd mark it down one mark. BUT - I am going to be super ludicrously nice and let you work on it some more to be rewarded that one mark back!" My heart literally just fell out of my arse and I felt the tears on the brink of pouring out of my eyes, not because I didn't get the grade I wanted in the end, but the reality of having to do more work on something I felt relieved about finishing weeks ago. I think she saw the tears too because she hastily added "Don't worry - I'll go through it with you, don't worry!" And deep down inside I kind of hope she felt a little bit bad for trying to achieve her "authentic" marking because in that moment I was wholly ready to throw my folders on the ground and just say "fuck it!" because sixth form literally is the most satanic anally raping existing educating system of all time.
At this current point in time where I was ready to dramatically storm out of school my friend starting a conversation with me, probably in the hope of preventing me from crying and she said "If I dropped out of sixth form I would probably be a lot happier" And this reality sunk into my brain and would not leave me for the rest of the day. Just think about it...if we all didn't have to wake up early and go to sixth form everyday, we'd all be ridiculously happy fantastical unicorns, dancing over rainbows, shitting out happiness and freedom. There would be no deadlines, so we'd never have this constant stress goblin sat at the back of our minds persistently reminding us about "homework, essays, revision, rehearsals, do this, do that" like just fuck off for one minute and let me breath! I remember just going to bed last night thinking "I hope it snows like fuck because sixth form". Why are we all letting this demonic system destroy us wholly? I decided to go mourn at home for lunch and whilst sitting there I thought..."I could stay here right now. I don't have to go back. They can't MAKE me go back. *hysterical laughter*"
But the thing is...I did go back to school. I went back to sixth form and I sat down and did my work as I do everyday. Because there is something a lot bigger than stressing over one mark I lost in an essay and that's the prospect of my future. I am not ready to sit down and devote myself to one topic so college or an apprenticeship is just not for me. And I did kind of well in my GCSE's so I am not really in the mood to redo a year to gain an extra mark here and there to see no valuable change in results. Sixth form is just where I am meant to be because it's the best place for me right now. And in all honestly...if you're in the same scenerio as me, it's probably the best place for you too. And there is not a lot we can do about that, we can't change the difficulty of what we are being taught, but we can change the way we approach it in a way that will make it easier for us. And one of those approachable ways have to be our attitude, because my attitude today was disgraceful and looking back on it now writing this, I kind of feel bad I reacted in that way towards my teacher because they were only trying to do what's best for me, even if it means a few extra hours of work my stress goblin is now happily chanting at the back of my mind.
If you really think about it, most of you have half of year left and people in my year...time flies by really fast and I think it's important we actually try to enjoy the time we have left to the greatest of our capacities because our year as a whole are all really close and just look have far we've all come together...and in less than a year and a half it's all going to be coming to an end and I am not sure I am ready to say goodbye just yet. Sixth form sucks dick, I mean if sixth form was a person I would roundhouse kick it in the face about 33 thousand times whilst rapidly screaming about all the mean shit it has dumped on everyone in the fast few months, BUT saying that...it's all we've got right now.
So, my advise for myself and all of you guys...let's just suck it up and get on with it. Let's just enjoy the next year and a bit, get drunk on shit results and then eagerly await the arrival of University. (Can't wait to read the blogs about that slice of hell eh?) Good luck for Friday with your mock results, if anyone sneaks in some vodka, sharing is caring.
Go nuts.