Recently, I have been going through some hardships of my own. My life had been the same old routine it had been for 3-4 years; and for a while that was okay. I discovered good things about myself during this time period, that helped me to grow and develop into a better person. And just like everyone, I also discovered some not so great elements to myself, to which I had to understand how to control and change these factors to shape a better me. I had come to a point in my life where I felt like I had truly learnt everything I possibly could about who I am from this routine, I was satisfied that I could move on with my mission and finally venture off into the big wide world, all on my own. Doing this wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be, though everyone around me was venturing off and doing their own thing, I couldn’t help but think I was missing the old routine. But, I knew deep down I was never going to be able to accept change and new beginnings if I didn’t do this.
It’s scary to find new parts of yourself you never thought existed, there were days in the past, where I believe this was who I was and this was how it was always going to be. Now, I sit here wondering how and when things changed and how the hell I deal with things now. Change can be scary, change can be heart-breaking, change can be the last thing you want to happen, but the very thing that has to happen. Painful ends bring around happy new beginnings. But it was time for me to start asking those questions nevertheless. Is this going to make you happy with the benefit of hindsight? Is this going to help you find yourself? Is this going to liberate you? I need to start living the next chapter of my life, there were risks I needed to take.
But then I took a day trip to a beach. I sat down on the rocks, the wind dancing my hair into intangible knots, whilst I looked over at the horizon where the sun sat staring over the world. Smiling I thought, “why am I being so silly?” In the grand scheme of things, we are so small, we are so insignificant when you look out over the oceans and really understand just how massive this world is. I remember thinking that I wanted to be bigger than all this, that I wanted to look out over the ocean some day and smile because I did everything I wanted to do. There is no time for regrets, no times for what ifs, no time for falling into old routines because it’s familiar and I want to protect myself. The world is big and scary and I want to explore it. I want to change it for the better. But to do that I need to find myself, I need to be liberated. I need to start the next chapter of my life.
I know that I am going to begin the next part of my mission and that it is going to be a lot bigger than I am right now. But I know that I am going to come out bigger and better than ever, ready to take on the next part of my adventure when the time comes to it. Who knows, maybe at the end of my mission I’ll find that I carried something out of every chapter of my story with me. But I learnt one thing from these realizations that I want everyone to take away with them…we have one fucking life. We don’t have time to mourn heart breaks. We don’t have time to sit back and watch chances skip past with their middle fingers up. We don’t have time to live a life we don’t want to live! So fucking do what you have to do to make you happy, take all those risks baby and don’t look back until the very end.
The world is so very big and I believe in the whole of you.
Go nuts guys.